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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29155953">Midnight Caller</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82'>pandorabox82</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:55:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>44,930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29155953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex thought that she would have trouble becoming a part of her new team, upon returning to the BAU. But a strange midnight caller helps her to find her place. But when she discovers that person's true identity, will she still be able to talk to them?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Blake/Erin Strauss, David Rossi/Erin Strauss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="storycontent nocopy">
    <p>Alex had just returned from teaching her introduction to linguistics course at Georgetown when her home phone rang. James always teased her about keeping a landline in this day and age, especially when they used Skype to communicate so much. She always had to remind him that there were times when her internet connection was bad, or his was, and the only certain way to communicate with him was over a landline. What she hadn't told him was that was the last number she had left with the FBI, on the off chance that they might call her to come back. Alex had put in her time in exile, she had rebuilt the reputation that Erin had destroyed, and now, fifteen years later, it was more than time for her to return to her previous job. Alex knew that the BAU was down a permanent member, as well as having two members on temporary assignment with Interpol.</p>
    <p>James would be bothered by the fact that she kept such close tabs on her former job, since he felt that she just needed to put everything behind her, but Alex didn't feel that way. She had held onto the flaming brand of anger for far too long, and she wanted her job back. She wanted to prove herself worthy of the position of profiler. And she knew that that would only come if she threw her hat in the ring. Which was exactly what she had done two months ago. And now, her phone was ringing unexpectedly. Alex couldn't help but think that this was a good sign, and she jogged over to the phone and answered, hoping that she didn't sound too breathless to the person on the other end of the line. "Hello?"</p>
    <p>"Alex! It is so good to hear your voice again."</p>
    <p>"Ron! It is very good to hear from you as well. I hope that this is good news?"</p>
    <p>There was a brief pause before Ron was clearing his throat. "I was surprised to see your application arrive on my desk for the opening at the BAU. I had assumed that you wanted nothing more to do with the BAU after the Amerithrax debacle. I know that you did hard work at our field office in Maryland, to rebuild your reputation after everything that happened, but there have been numerous times where you could have applied for openings. In fact, I almost expected it after Jason Gideon left."</p>
    <p>"Yes, well. James and I didn't think that it was the right time for me to head back just then. He was on a rather dangerous assignment in Iraq, and I needed to be in a position to drop everything at a moment's notice, just in case the worst happened. But now, now I really feel like it is the right time."</p>
    <p>"Well, that's a good thing to hear, because I would like to extend an offer of employment to you. You'll need to come in tomorrow afternoon so that we can discuss salary and get your credentials reinstated, along with issuing you a gun. You'll also have to head down to the shooting range and pass the qualifications exam, though I have little doubt that you'll fail that."</p>
    <p>"I have kept up with my shooting skills, yes, just in case an opportunity like this came along. What time should I arrive at Quantico?"</p>
    <p>"How about one? That was you can get your qualifications out of the way first before coming up to see me."</p>
    <p>Alex cleared her throat as she struggled to keep it together. Everything that she had been working for was coming together in that moment, and she didn't want to seem flighty or emotional in front of the Director. "I think that I can make that work. I'll just have to contact my TA, and let her know that she'll be taking over my classes for the afternoon. But we can discuss that, as well, when I come in to see you, as I'd like to keep teaching at least one course a semester, if possible."</p>
    <p>"Of course. We'll talk more tomorrow. Have a good day, Alex."</p>
    <p>"You as well, Ron." Hanging up the phone, Alex took a few deep breaths before promptly bursting into tears. This was the culmination of everything that she had been working towards for close to two decades, and she found that she couldn't wait to get back into the swing of things. Stepping out of her shoes, Alex made her way into her home office and picked up her laptop as she relaxed in the oversized chair that was by her favorite window. As it booted up, Alex glanced outside, thinking about how much her life would change after tomorrow. It was suddenly all too real, she mused as she swiped away tears from her cheeks, thankful that her crying jag hadn't lasted too long.</p>
    <p>As soon as her laptop was ready to go, Alex first emailed her TA, informing her of her sudden absence before contacting her department head and letting him know about the job change, and that she was working on things so that she could teach at least one or two classes a semester, but that there would likely be some absences, depending on where she was in the country with the BAU. With those two important emails out of the way, Alex then went through the rest of her inbox, replying to questions from her students before deciding to take another look through the current make up of Alpha team, since that was who she was going to be joining.</p>
    <p>She knew Dave and Aaron already, having tangentially worked with them during her first tenure with the BAU. And she had had Spencer in as a guest lecturer in her classes before, and knew him quite well. So that left her with looking up Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, and Penelope Garcia. For good measure, she also decided to look up who she would be replacing, since those would be the shoes that she would have to fill. There wasn't too much about any of them online, but she was able to find a few newspaper articles dating from the bank heist in May, and was then confronted with the one person she wasn't prepared to see.</p>
    <p>Erin still looked beautiful, she couldn't deny that. Age had just descended upon her like a gentle cloak, and she sighed as she scrolled away from the picture, only to see that she had been quoted extensively in the article. Every word was pure Erin, and she could see that her ability to play politics had only grown in the years since she'd been away from Quantico, and Alex fought to keep from rolling her eyes at some of the soundbite answers that her former friend had given. It seemed, though, that she would be working in close contact with Erin, if she was heading out into the field with the team, and she was not looking forward to that, at all. There was too much bad blood still between them for Alex to even start thinking about being polite.</p>
    <p>Letting out a small sigh, Alex set the laptop on the window sill before getting to her feet and checking on the mail before looking into the rest of the team, hoping to glean more information about them that didn't also include Erin. Stepping into sandals, Alex made her way out onto the porch and opened the box attached to the wall. Inside were a few bills, a letter from her father, and another card from Erin. Stiffening her shoulders, she stalked inside, her good mood over getting her job at the BAU back evaporating quicker than the rain in the desert. Heading back into her office, she tossed everything else on the desk before plopping back down into her chair and twirling Erin's card around and around between her fingers. A part of her wanted to open it and see what Erin had written this time, since this was card number nine in nine months. She hadn't opened any of them after the first, since she didn't want to be confronted with the way her former friend had decided to seek amends from her after her second stint in rehab.</p>
    <p>She hadn't responded to that first card, nor any of the others that had come, but she had kept them. She didn't know why she had done so, but she didn't feel comfortable throwing them away for some reason. Still, a part of her itched to open this latest card and see what the woman had written her. Before she could stifle that feeling, Alex found herself breaking the seal on the envelope and pulling the card out of it. It was a heavy weight, and thoroughly elegant, just like everything about Erin, and Alex rolled her eyes a little at the ostentatiousness of it all. Opening the card, Alex looked over the words written there, gleaning what she could from the way that Erin had written to her before she dove into what she had written.</p>
    <p>
      <em>I know that you probably aren't reading these letters that I'm sending, since you never replied to the first one, but I still feel like I have to reach out, just in case you soften and do end up reading one of them. You are the last person that I have to make amends to, Alex, and I think that I saved the hardest person for last. And perhaps that's why my first attempt at rehab failed, because I couldn't see past my pride in order to ask you for forgiveness for what I had done all these years ago. I screwed up, I know this now, and I can only hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I know that I cannot force that from you, it has to be freely given, but that is my fondest wish. And now, since you're coming back to the BAU, I think that I might have a chance to earn your forgiveness, as you get to see me at work, as I am now. I'm still stubborn, and I still play the politics game much better than I have any right to, but I have been softened due to circumstances in my life. I cannot wait to see you in the bullpen again, Alex, and I hope that you can shine from your first day back. All my love, Erin</em>
    </p>
    <p>Her words were much the same as in the first card, but there was almost a sense of melancholy in them, as if she wasn't certain that Alex would read or reach out to her. Little did she know that Alex had read the letter, even if there was no chance in hell that she would reply to the words Erin had written, nor would she acknowledge the woman when she came back to the BAU. If anything, she would avoid her at all costs, and hope that there wasn't any opportunity for them to have to interact. Tossing aside the card, Alex picked up her laptop once more, deciding to look up Agent Jareau first, since it had been her husband who had nearly died when he had been taken hostage by Lady X and her team.</p>
    <p>Soon enough, Alex had lost herself in getting to know these people that she would be working with from that day forward, and she couldn't help but feel like she was going to have a difficult time blending back in with this team. They had all worked together for years, and had just lost a beloved member after she had returned from supposed death. That automatically meant that she would be an interloper, and she didn't know how she would feel about that. At least she would have the opportunity to get to know Agent Jareau before adding in getting to know Agent Morgan and Ms. Garcia, and that might lead to her having a good way to gel with everyone. She just had to make certain that she didn't get close to any of them. She was not about to allow another Erin situation crop up in her life and derail everything once more.</p>
  </div>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="storycontent nocopy">
    <p>Alex sighed as she plopped down onto sofa. It had been a long day of paperwork following her qualifications test, which she had passed with flying colors, and she found herself exhausted. It had been surprising just how draining a few hours spent in the FBI building had been, but she supposed that a part of that was due to the fact that she had been looking over her shoulder for Erin to just pop up at any moment. She wouldn't put it past the woman to do that, to put Alex on the spot in front of their colleagues in order to push her narrative of wanting to make amends. Because Erin knew damn well that Alex wouldn't cause another scene where her reputation would be suspect again.</p>
    <p>Still, that hadn't happened, it was as if Erin didn't even exist, and she had almost asked Ron where Erin was, since she wanted to know if she needed to be prepared for a sudden confrontation. There had never been a clear opportunity to ask that, though, and she didn't want to rock the boat on her first day back in the BAU. As she let out another sigh, Alex pulled out her new credentials and took a look at her picture. She looked completely different from her first profile picture, colder, more aloof, and very much like she knew that she was better than a lot of people. It was a carefully constructed façade that she pulled together in order to give off that air of authority. And it was also a coping mechanism to distance herself from being hurt by anyone. She was going into this job with one intention, and one intention only – to prove that she was more than capable of being a profiler and her linguistic skills were top of the line, no matter what Erin might think.</p>
    <p>Setting the identification badge and gun on her coffee table, Alex stretched out on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. She really wanted to call James, to let him know about her good news and that she was ready to start anew with a fresh team and none of the baggage of her past with Erin, but it was close to two in the morning in Gabon, and she didn't want to wake him up. If it had been midnight, then she would have readily called, since that would mean reviving their earlier habit of calling at that time. A part of her knew that it had been wrong to suggest that to him once he had started with MSF, since it had been a holdover from her good times with Erin. And if she dug further down into her feelings and memories, she would acknowledge that the reason she and Erin had called each other so often at midnight was because that was the only way that Alex would open herself up and actually talk about how she was feeling.</p>
    <p>It was a terrible cliché, she knew, but it was true for her. The more tired she was, the easier it was for her to talk. Not just about her deeper feelings, but at all. Her family never understood that she just preferred to keep to herself, to speak slowly and make each interaction count; and that had led to the rift between her and Scotty. Her dad had gotten a little better over the years, and so it had been easier to try and keep in contact with him. "I suppose that I should let someone know that I've gotten my job back," she said lowly as she pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her contact list until she came to her father. Touching the number, she brought the device to her ear and waited for the call to connect.</p>
    <p>"Alex? Is everything all right?"</p>
    <p>She let out a little chuckle as she nodded. "I know, you don't have to say it, I need to call more often. Nothing is wrong, James is in Gabon with MSF, and I will be starting a new job tomorrow morning."</p>
    <p>"I'm sorry?"</p>
    <p>"I applied to the BAU again, when I heard that there was an opening. I don't know why I decided to, since it always felt like a pipe dream for me, but something prodded me into submitting my resume. And Ron called me directly to offer me the job. I passed my gun qualifications earlier today, and then got my badge and credentials, along with a new service weapon."</p>
    <p>"You didn't keep your old one?"</p>
    <p>She shook her head as she scrunched back into the cushions of the sofa. "I didn't want to be reminded of all that when I was relegated to desk duty in the Maryland field office. But I love the feel of this in my hand."</p>
    <p>"Are you happy now?"</p>
    <p>The question came out of left field, and Alex had to think about it for a moment. She was happy. Wasn't she? This was everything that she had wanted for the last fifteen years of her life. This job had always been on her mind, despite Alex finding her teaching role quite fulfilling. "Of course I am, Dad."</p>
    <p>"It took you a while to answer that, Allie. Maybe you might think about examining your heart and seeing if this is happiness or something a little more petty. You don't want to take this job just because you want to stick it to Erin. Not after…"</p>
    <p>"After what, Dad?" she needled him, allowing ire to color her voice as she glared up at the ceiling.</p>
    <p>"Your mother and I never said anything to you, but we knew."</p>
    <p>Alex felt all the blood drain from her face as she tugged one of the throw pillows onto her stomach and held it there tightly. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Dad."</p>
    <p>"You were always a horrible liar when it came to really important things, Alex. I half think that that was why you never talked much, since as long as you were quiet, no one could pick out your lies. But with Erin, it was easy enough to see on your face. Your mother wanted you to settle down with a nice man like James, I just wanted you to be happy, but you always were your mother's daughter. Though given the way that things ended up between you and Erin, I suppose that your mother was the right one to listen to."</p>
    <p>"How?" she asked, feeling her heart clench painfully in her chest.</p>
    <p>"You just telegraphed love whenever you spoke about her. And the one time I got to speak with her on the phone, I could tell that she loved you, too, perhaps more desperately than you. You never needed others, you were always my independent bug. But I think that Erin needed a love to hold onto, and that she needed you more than you needed her. Which is probably what made your demotion sting all the more for the both of you."</p>
    <p>"Yeah," she answered, hating how right he was in that moment. "But I really am happy to be back with the BAU. This is the culmination of everything that I've been working towards these last fifteen years. And I probably won't even see Erin all that often. She's our section chief now, which means that she's doing the job that she always wanted."</p>
    <p>"And that would be?"</p>
    <p>"Playing the politician and maneuvering people like chess pieces."</p>
    <p>"You don't really believe that."</p>
    <p>"Yeah, Dad, I do. She was always born to play that game, and if I had realized that earlier in my life, I don't think it would have hurt so much when she betrayed me. She cut my rope without even sparing a second thought for me!" She hated sounding so emotional, hated the fact that bitter tears were stinging her eyes when she should be overjoyed at what she was going to be doing with her life come the morrow. Instead, she was grousing with her father about things that shouldn't matter any longer.</p>
    <p>"Ah, my darling girl, you still are allowing bitterness to rule your heart. You need to learn to move on and let those things no longer bother you. I know that it is so hard, but it is for the best."</p>
    <p>"I know," she said hurriedly before letting out a fake yawn. "Look, I should probably get going, it's going to be an early day for me tomorrow. And I promise, it won't be so long between calls this time. Love you, Dad."</p>
    <p>"Love you, too, bug."</p>
    <p>Once he was off the line, Alex pressed the phone into the pillow on her stomach, blinking away the tears that were still threatening to spill from her eyes. She should have known that she was obvious to her parents, since she had been so blindingly in love with Erin during their time at the Academy, but she had still assumed that she had been circumspect, given that her parents hadn't said anything to her. Until her mom had introduced James to her, and she had found herself drawn to him. Erin hadn't said anything, but she had too quickly found Alan following that, and that was when she knew that her father was correct, Erin had needed someone to love and need her desperately, and Alan had filled the role that Alex had so quickly left.</p>
    <p>"I will not allow Erin to get back underneath my skin," she muttered as she pushed herself off the sofa. Glancing at her watch, she saw that her conversation with her father had taken longer than she had assumed, and it was nearly eleven. A bit late to get to sleep, and she still had to take a shower, as she wanted to make the best impression possible on her teammates. Shaking her head, she made her way upstairs and stripped off her clothes, dropping her phone onto the nightstand before padding into the bathroom and taking a long shower. As she washed her body, Alex ran through a series of rap songs in order to calm her spirit after that call with her father, and she finally stepped out when the water was too cold to stand beneath any longer.</p>
    <p>After drying off, Alex twisted her hair up into a towel before making her way back to the bedroom. Pulling open the top dresser drawer, she took out a tank top and boxers and quickly dressed before settling down to relax in the bed. Turning onto her side, she plugged her phone in to charge before setting the alarm for six the next morning, knowing that the commute would be long. Then she decided to email James, wanting him to know the good news, even if she hadn't called him about it beforehand.</p>
    <p>
      <em>By the time you read this, I'll be asleep and dreaming about starting with the BAU once more. I finally got my job back, and I cannot wait to prove how good of a profiler I am. Erin is going to regret ever treating me so horribly during that whole debacle, and I cannot wait to see her face when I show her up. And I know, you'll be the second person to tell me that I need to let it go, but I can't. Not until I am in the position to prove how good I am. This is just the first step on my long journey back to respectability. I love you, and I miss you. I don't know when we'll be able to Skype next, since my schedule is going to be hell again, but we'll make time for each other, I promise. Until then, Your Lex</em>
    </p>
    <p>She sent the message before rereading it, knowing that she wouldn't take a word of it back. Flipping onto her back, she stared at the ceiling as she thought about what was going to happen in the morning. She truly didn't want to see Erin so early in her return, but she also sort of wanted to rub her return in her face. Just as she was about to set the phone aside and settle in to sleep, the device vibrated in her hand, and Alex frowned as she looked at the screen, wondering just who was calling her at midnight.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
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  <div class="storycontent nocopy">
    <p>Alex stared at the display screen for a few seconds, wondering just who was calling her at midnight. It was too weird a time for it to be a telemarketer, though it very well could be a wrong caller. Still feeling a little off kilter from her conversation with her father, Alex decided to just throw caution to the wind and answer it, knowing that even if it turned out to be a prank call, she could work out some of her irritation and anger on a stranger and not feel guilty about it. No matter what her conscience might say afterwards.</p>
    <p>"Hello?" she answered shortly, still irritated by the fact that there was no number on the display, that it gave off the impression that the call was coming from a government number.</p>
    <p>"Oh, hi, I think that I might have called the wrong number. This isn't Alex, is it?"</p>
    <p>The voice sounded vaguely familiar to her, and she was thrown off by the fact that she was being addressed by name. Taking a deep breath, she answered once more. "Yes, this Doctor Alex Blake. Why?"</p>
    <p>"I was just told to call this number and ask for Alex. I know that it's late, but this was the time specified to make this call. Do you know why that might be?"</p>
    <p>There was real confusion in the caller's voice, along with a softness that intrigued Alex. And once more, before she could stop her mouth, she began to speak. "I suppose that James might have asked you to call at this time, since this is when we always talk to each other when big life changes happen. Though I can't imagine why he wouldn't tell me that he was having one of his friends call."</p>
    <p>"Perhaps he's been a bit too busy to mention that," the woman replied, and Alex nodded as she turned onto her side, grabbing the other pillow to prop beneath her head and offer her more support as she settled in for a conversation with this mysteriously familiar voice. "So, is there anything that you'd like to talk about? Or should we just call this a failed endeavor and I can go to sleep?"</p>
    <p>"No, I think that I'd like to talk to someone who is entirely neutral towards me. Well, as much as a friend of James's can be. Unless you have to get to sleep?"</p>
    <p>"No, I have time for you, otherwise I wouldn't have called. What's on your mind, Alex?"</p>
    <p>She paused a moment before deciding to dive right into the crux of her issues. "I start a new job tomorrow. Well, not entirely new, but one I haven't worked in nearly two decades. I've wanted to be back ever since I was demoted and had my reputation dragged through the mud because someone I loved decided that I wasn't worth defending in her need to save her own skin."</p>
    <p>"That's awful!"</p>
    <p>"I know, and what hurts most is that I would have sacrificed anything for her if our situations had been reversed. I suppose that I should be grateful that I was at least able to stay on the East coast, and work with the Maryland field office of the FBI, as our other colleague was not quite so lucky. He was transferred out to the middle of nowhere, and then I never heard from him again. Not that I can blame him, since he was certain that fact that I retained a cushy job was due to the fact that I was having an affair with that woman. The ironic thing is that our affair had been over for decades by the point I was demoted, since life, you know?"</p>
    <p>"I do. My parents were not supportive of gay people, and were quite glad that I married a man, after my sister expressed interest in forming a life with a woman when she was in graduate school. Prejudice and bigotry run deep in certain circles." The woman let out a wistful sigh. "But, more about why you should be happy about going back to your old job. What are you looking forward to the most?"</p>
    <p>Alex chuckled a little at that neat turn of conversation, since it was so flawless. "You are a very positive person, aren't you?"</p>
    <p>"I rather like focusing on the good things in life. The bad is what sticks with us for far longer than we'd like, and it's been said that it takes seventeen positive interactions to soothe away one negative one. So, what are you looking forward to most tomorrow?"</p>
    <p>"Do you want the petty answer or the positive answer?"</p>
    <p>"The positive one, please."</p>
    <p>"All right. I am looking forward to getting to meet Agent Jareau. Currently, she is the only member of the team that I haven't met or worked with before. The other two are in England, working on some special assignment with Interpol. And I'm going to try and not let myself become intimidated by the fact that we now have a technical analyst to help run information for us, so that we can continue to work without as much downtime."</p>
    <p>"That is a very good thing. So, how many people are on your team?"</p>
    <p>"Including me? Seven, which again, will be a change. When I was last with the BAU, it was unusual for us to work in trios. Pairs or by ourselves was what was normal. My dad has already told me that I need to play nice, since he knows that I have the tendency to be a bit of a lone wolf."</p>
    <p>"That has its place, but he's right, you have to pull your weight with your team. Do you have any idea what you'll be doing tomorrow?"</p>
    <p>"I hope that we'll be headed right into the field, as I do not want to run into my former colleague. And I know, you want me to remain positive and all that, but when I think of Erin, I just feel like Mrs. White from <em>Clue</em>." The woman on the other end of the line stifled a giggle, which felt like giving her permission to barrel ahead with some venting. "She wants to make amends with me. I guess that she had developed a full blown drinking problem after I left the BAU, and hit rock bottom last December. She's reached out once a month since entering rehab."</p>
    <p>"And how do you feel about that?"</p>
    <p>Alex flipped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "I feel like I want to tell her to fuck off and leave me alone, but that would be less than ideal in my current situation, since she is going to be my supervisor. Well, sort of. She's my boss's boss, so she'll be cracking the whip over him to keep us in line. A part of me wants to rip the band aid off the moment I return to work tomorrow and ask her, nicely, to stay out of my way. But another part of me wants to preen."</p>
    <p>"Oh?"</p>
    <p>"I know, that is petty of me, but I just want to show off how well I landed on my feet and that I've been able to move on and make a better life for myself despite the setbacks I faced. Oh, it would be so much easier if James was here, so that I could go over this with him. He knows the whole messy backstory, and would be able to tell me that my feelings are valid."</p>
    <p>"He would be right, your feelings are valid. However, you have to think about if that validity is a good thing. You wouldn't want to cause strife on your first day back, right?"</p>
    <p>She let out a deep sigh as she ran her free hand through her hair and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It would completely destroy everything that I have worked so hard for, and would accomplish nothing. I have to be the better person, even if I don't feel that way, because it will be better for everyone in the long run."</p>
    <p>"I'm glad that you know what the best response is. That speaks to who you are as a person."</p>
    <p>There was a note of affection in the woman's voice, and Alex frowned a little at the tone, since it almost felt like she knew her. Again, that weird feeling of déjà vu slithered down Alex's back as she wondered just how much James had told the caller about her. "My dad always insisted that our moral compass pointed towards true north, and I think that an upbringing like that doesn't easily go away."</p>
    <p>"My parents tried to instill those same values in me, as well. I just learned a bit of ruthlessness from my father, and that streak never seemed to fully go away, no matter how much I tried to ignore it and be the better person. Though my job is such that a little ruthlessness helps smooth certain greasy wheels. I don't particularly like that, but I do what must be done to keep others safe."</p>
    <p>There was another pause as Alex thought of something to say in reply. "Well, I don't think that you can be that ruthless, since you sound very nice and have admonished me to stay above petty things in our short phone call."</p>
    <p>"Umm, sometimes I feel like I'm better at nudging people to be their better selves than I am at following that advice myself. Though that often seems like the way life goes, we're all much better at giving the advice that we most need to take ourselves."</p>
    <p>That was very true, and Alex nodded a little as she turned back onto her side once more, trying to stifle the yawn that was coming to her lips. "Well, I hope that you have a good evening, but I really should be getting to sleep now. I have to wake up early, since the commute into Quantico will take so much longer than my commute to campus, and I have no idea what time I should leave yet so that I'm early, but not too early."</p>
    <p>"Oh, I remember those days! You don't want to be seen as too eager, but you don't want to be seen as just there for the paycheck. It, it was really nice to talk to you, Alex. Do you think that we could do this again?"</p>
    <p>Alex drew in a deep breath before she answered the woman's question. "I think that I'd like that. It has been really good to talk to someone who doesn't know me and therefore cannot judge me. But you'll have to be the one who calls, since your number isn't showing up on my phone."</p>
    <p>"Oh, yes, sorry about that. I'm calling on my work phone, and it's blocked automatically. I'll give you a call in a few days, then, to let you settle into your new job, and then follow up with you to see how things are going. Sleep well, Alex."</p>
    <p>Before Alex could reply to the woman, she had hung up, leaving Alex to stare at the phone in frustration as she plugged the device in and turned off her lamp before pulling the sheet up to her shoulders and letting out a satisfied sigh. There had been something so lovely about communicating with another person, and she wished that she could find that same connection with someone in her life that wasn't connected to her job. It was kind of James to at least think of her, but that didn't necessarily translate into a good friendship with someone who's name she didn't even know. The next time that the woman called, Alex would make certain to ask for her name, especially since the woman knew hers. "I am going to have to remember to ask James about the call, too, and thank him for thinking of me," she murmured as she made herself comfortable on the bed and closed her eyes, settling quickly into sleep as she thought about what the next day would bring for her.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex took one last look at her reflection in the mirror before checking to make certain that she had a number of hair ties in her pocket if they needed to go out in the field for any reason. Picking up her go bag, she left the bathroom and made her way down to the kitchen, filling up her travel mug with coffee before heading out the door. Thankfully, it was a nice day, so the quick walk to the subway station was pleasant. She took that as a sign that her first day back with the BAU would be a good one, and she smiled lightly as she fairly skipped down the stairs, swiping her metro card before choosing a place to wait for the train.</p>
    <p>After getting settled in a seat, Alex sipped at her coffee and took out the latest journal that had come to her house, turning towards an article written by one of her colleagues and reading it with interest. To her shock, Alex found that it was a good use of time, as she had arrived at her stop in Quantico much quicker than she had anticipated. Dog earring the page she had left off on, Alex shoved the journal under her arm as she got off the train and hurried over to a bench so that she could put it back in her bag before shouldering it and making her way down to the building.</p>
    <p>Passing an open café along the way, Alex couldn't help but stop in and get a fresh cup, since there was ample amount of time before she had to be in the bullpen. And it was also easy to pick up a rather large blueberry muffin, her stomach reminding her that she hadn't eaten yet that morning. It was a little difficult to eat and walk, but she made it work, knowing that she couldn't afford to be short with her teammates on her first day. Throwing away the bag, she made her way inside and over to the elevators, riding up to the sixth floor with a number of other people, wondering if any of them were Agent Jareau.</p>
    <p>"Alex!"</p>
    <p>Her head shot to attention at the sound of her name, and she finally found David Rossi giving her a wide grin as he came over to her side. "I was very surprised to hear that you were rejoining us. I see that you have your go bag. Are you ready to hit the ground running?"</p>
    <p>"We have a case already?" she asked, allowing him to guide her into the bullpen. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Erin lurking in the background, and she fixed a sharp look on her before focusing her attention on Rossi. "I suppose that I'm ready to turn around and head right out."</p>
    <p>Rossi chuckled as he shook his head. "It won't be that quick, Alex. We have to go through a briefing of the case, which Jen will give, since Kitten is still in England with Morgan."</p>
    <p>"Kitten?"</p>
    <p>"I'm sorry, Garcia. You'll find out soon enough that we give each other nicknames around here, as it helps to reduce some of the stress that we face. And do you have a desk yet?"</p>
    <p>"Ron mentioned something about Aaron showing me where I should settle into?"</p>
    <p>"Oh, I assumed that the two of you weren't talking still," he replied.</p>
    <p> "Hotchner, Rossi. Aaron Hotchner."</p>
    <p>He gave her a long nod before winking, and that caused her to frown a little as he brought her over to a clean desk. "This was Emily's old desk, and it's still empty for you to use. Unless you prefer to use a different one?"</p>
    <p>"This will be fine, I know that there's not as much room in here for me to be picky. I'll have to bring in a few things to make it more homey when we're home from this case." He nodded as Alex took a seat in the chair and took a look around at the surroundings. There was room for pictures, and she knew that she would have to bring in a few of James, to remind her that there were other things than sticking it to Erin that she was back with the BAU for. "Give me a second?" she asked as she looked up at Rossi, and he smiled and nodded.</p>
    <p>Taking a deep breath, she opened up her bag and pulled out her pocketbook and keys before sticking the attaché case in the bottom drawer and then getting up. "You can leave your bag here, too. I think that Jen has a tablet ready for you, but if not, I can have Kevin source one for you before we head out. We usually have about thirty minutes between the end of the briefing and when the jet leaves, so there's a bit of time."</p>
    <p>"I'd forgotten that we have a jet at our disposal now. That has to be pretty swanky."</p>
    <p>He chuckled as he nodded, placing his hand on the small of her back as he guided her upstairs. "It is really nice to not have to wait on commercial travel. Now, Hotch's office is right next to Garcia's office, and mine is next to his," he said as they passed three doors on her left, "and this is our briefing room. Thankfully, I am not the one in charge of running the projector, because while Garcia makes it look so easy, even Hotch fumbles with the remote when he takes over. That's one of the things that you'll have to get used to, as well. She…doesn't react well to all the gore and horror that we see on an every day basis."</p>
    <p>"Then how did she come to be attached to the BAU? That's almost a given that we see the worst that society has to offer?"</p>
    <p>"She was given the choice of us or the CIA, and we were the lesser of two evils. She even handed me her resume printed on pretty pink paper."</p>
    <p>A familiar low voice spoke behind them, and Alex turned to look into Aaron's face, giving him a tender smile as she nodded. "So she's scary good with computers."</p>
    <p>"Yes. I've heard her threaten to wipe a person's online history from the face of the planet, and I have no doubts that she could do so, if provoked enough. Thankfully, Morgan and I are able to keep her in line. Dave here just encourages her."</p>
    <p>He sheepishly shrugged his shoulders before taking a seat at the table, and Alex swallowed a giggle as she shook Aaron's hand. "That does not surprise me in the least," she said as she took a seat next to Rossi, feeling comfortable with him. "Now, where are we headed out to?"</p>
    <p>"Alabama," a soft, high pitched, voice said, and Alex looked over at the doorway to see a very young, blonde, woman entering. "You must be Alex Blake. I'm Jennifer Jareau," the woman said as she extended her hand. The handshake was firm, and Alex nodded a little before taking the tablet from Agent Jareau's hand. "You can call me JJ, everyone else does, since I know I have a long name. I also respond to Jen, though Rossi's usually the only one to call me that. Do you have a preference?"</p>
    <p>"Alex will be fine," she replied with a small smile as she began to scroll through the information that was already on the screen. "Well, this will be an interesting case."</p>
    <p>"That's what we say about a lot of what we see," JJ said as she handed around tablets to the rest of the team, and Alex gave a small wave to Spencer as he took a seat at the table next to Aaron. It would take a few moments for her to grow accustomed to calling the man Hotch, since she was so used to addressing him by his given name. "All right, let's get this briefing started."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she picked up a pad of paper and pen from the middle of the table and took copious notes, following along with the information on the tablet as well. It was a bit dizzying to realise just how much things had changed in the time that she had been gone, but there was something that felt so right about the way that it felt to be back to work. Suddenly, she was grateful that there were only a few of the team here, since she knew that she was going to be a bit emotional, even if it didn't show on her face that clearly.</p>
    <p>"All right, everyone, wheel's up in thirty," Hotch said as he got to his feet. "Alex, you'll ride with me and Dave to the airfield."</p>
    <p>She nodded as she stood up, tugging at the hem of her blazer a bit awkwardly. "All right, I'm ready to follow you," Alex responded as she fell in line next to Rossi, heading out into the hall. The men made their way over to their offices while JJ and Spencer went down into the bullpen. She felt a little lost for a moment, and she took a deep breath as she made her way down to her new desk and took a seat there. Staring at her monitor, Alex realized that she hadn't thought to ask for a log in. Pulling out her notes, she quickly scrawled a reminder to ask Hotch for that information when they returned, knowing that she would also have to set up a new work email. Unless the other technical analyst had already done that for her, which would make things a lot easier.</p>
    <p>"Ready to go, kiddo?"</p>
    <p>"We are not starting with that nickname again, David. Am I clear?" He nodded as he chuckled and she got to her feet, picking up her bag and following him out to the elevators. Erin was there once more, as if she had been waiting for them to come out, and she felt her face tighten into a hard expression as Rossi pressed the down button on the elevator.</p>
    <p>"All right, I suppose that I can live with Alex. So, how has life treated you in the last few years?"</p>
    <p>"It's been weird. James is gone so much with MSF, that our marriage is, for all intents and purposes, a Skype relationship. That took some getting used to, but I find that it's nice to be able to talk with him for hours at a time."</p>
    <p>"Really?" he asked as they stepped into the elevator. "You carry on hours long calls?"</p>
    <p>Alex rolled her eyes as the doors started to slide closed, her gaze being caught and held by Erin's in that last moment before they started downwards. "I do know how to talk, I just prefer to let others do the majority of the talking. And that works quite well when dealing with unsubs." He nodded as he scratched at his beard. "And you? How has life treated you? Are we on wife number seven yet?"</p>
    <p>"Haha, very funny. I've had three marriages, and my current partner doesn't want to get married any time soon, which suits me just fine. I want to see if we can make things work without the bonds of marriage, if this lasts. It's only been four months, after all."</p>
    <p>"Hey, I've known people who've gotten married after four hours, so…"</p>
    <p>"That is not for me, at all. I need something better than amazing sex to bond me with someone, and I feel like there are going to be issues in this relationship that might break our bond before we even consider taking things to an engagement, let alone a marriage."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she drew in a deep breath through her nostrils. "I hope she realizes that she has a great guy."</p>
    <p>"She's a great woman." He smirked a little, and Alex had to wonder just what he was thinking of, but then reconsidered wanting to know those thoughts. "So, any questions about your new old job?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. I need a login for the computer, as well as a new work email, since I'm assuming that my old one was closed down when I stopped working with the Maryland field office and focused solely on my teaching career. How do I go about getting that?"</p>
    <p>"I'll have Hotch contact Lynch and have him set that up for you while we work on this case. By the time we're home, everything should be in order. Sound good?" She nodded and gave him a smile as she pulled out her phone and looked at the time, mentally readying herself for jumping right back into the life of a profiler.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
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    <p>It was their second night in Alabama, and Alex found herself strangely exhausted by the pace that they moved at, as it was much different than the pace she normally worked at. Her brain was alive, though, with all the connections she was making, and the buzz was electrifying. Still, she couldn't help but feel like they were all behind the eight ball by the time they returned to the hotel that evening.</p>
    <p>"Is it normal to feel this exhausted?" she asked as she peeled off her blazer and hung it up in the closet so that it wouldn't wrinkle.</p>
    <p>"Pretty much, yeah. I felt like I was running on empty for the first six weeks after returning from maternity leave. But eventually you get used to the pace once more. Do you want to hop in the shower first? I'd really like to call home to Will and Henry before it gets much later."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she rummaged around in her bag for her toiletries, grabbing her pyjamas before making her way into the bathroom and closing the door. She had read an email from James last night before going to sleep, telling her that he was doing well in Gabon, but that it would most likely take him longer than anticipated before wrapping up his stint there. That had been disappointing, especially because she couldn't call him, now that she was out in the field. Peeling off her clothes, she let them drop to the floor before stepping into the shower and turning the water on. JJ was lucky that she was able to call her partner, since they were only separated by an hour, rather than the seven that now separated her and James.</p>
    <p>As she washed her hair, Alex sighed, hoping that she might get a call from James's friend, but not anticipating that. Especially since a midnight call would be eleven for her now, if the friend was in her regular time zone. Shaking her head of those thoughts, Alex finished up her shower and then turned off the water, wrapping a towel around her body before turbaning another around her hair. After drying off her legs and arms, Alex worked lotion into her skin and then changed into her pyjamas before folding up the towels and making her way back into the main room.</p>
    <p>JJ was still on the phone with her family when Alex dropped onto the free bed, grabbing the book she'd selected from the meager selection that had been left behind from previous guests and starting to read, ignoring as best she could what JJ was saying, so as not to eavesdrop. Soon enough, the conversation was over, and JJ then plugged her phone in before heading into the bathroom, closing the door and stepping into the shower. Alex chuckled a little when she heard the younger woman start to sing off key, the flaw endearing her to Alex, since she had thought she was perfect. The small flaw made her less intimidating, and Alex let out a small puff of breath as she snuggled into the mattress as she tried to lose herself in the book.</p>
    <p>She had become so engrossed that she hardly noticed JJ come back into the room, though she did blush a little when she caught sight of the fact that the woman had changed into a skimpy camisole and shorts. "I am going to fall right to sleep, so have a good night, Alex."</p>
    <p>"Thanks, JJ." She gave the woman a small smile before continuing on with her book, finding her mind still a bit too wound up to go to sleep just yet. The quiet of the room settled into her bones and so it was a shock when a few hours later that silence was broken by the sound of her phone ringing. JJ groaned a little as she sat up, and Alex scrambled out of bed. "Sorry!"</p>
    <p>"Who is calling you at midnight?" the woman groused, and Alex made a little sound of confusion as she picked up her phone and answered.</p>
    <p>"Give me one moment," she hissed into the device as she hurriedly jogged over to the balcony and let herself out onto it, sinking down into the chair in the far corner of the balcony, shivering a little as the cool wind caressed her body. "Sorry, I'm out in the field and sharing a room. Why are you calling so late at night, James?"</p>
    <p>"Sorry, this isn't James, it's me again. I heard that you were in Alabama, so I thought I'd try to keep a normal schedule for you. How are you doing on your first case back?"</p>
    <p>Alex relaxed a little as she settled deeper in the chair. "It's going well. Do you mind if I set you down for a moment? I want to grab a blanket for our talk, as it's cooler than I expected out here."</p>
    <p>"Of course, Alex."</p>
    <p>She smiled a little as she set the phone on the table next to the chair and hurried inside, glancing at JJ's bed, hoping that she had fallen back to sleep. From the delicate snore, it appeared that she had done just that, and Alex quietly grabbed the quilt off her bed and dragged it outside before sinking back into the chair once more, wrapping the fabric around her body before picking up the phone and speaking once more. "Sorry about that wait. What time is it for you?"</p>
    <p>"A little after one."</p>
    <p>"So you are back home."</p>
    <p>"I am on the East Coast, yes. I had forgotten that Alabama was an hour behind us."</p>
    <p>Alex let a soft chuckle escape her lips as she nodded. "You could have called at midnight your time. I mean, when I eventually head out to California, or God forbid, Hawaii, the time difference is going to be killer for you."</p>
    <p>"I will make it work, don't worry about that. Now, this case?"</p>
    <p>Alex let out a deep sigh. "I feel like I'm holding the team back. I'm slower with my responses, and I just don't feel like I'm up to par. I feel like I'm a community theatre player stepping into a professional stage show that's already opened, and I don't know my lines."</p>
    <p>"Have you talked to anyone on the team about the way you feel? Like you unit chief?"</p>
    <p>She shook her head a little before looking up at the moon. "I don't want to admit that I'm floundering? Because they expect me to be good, to keep up. I worked so hard to get to a point where I could be considered for this position once more, that it makes me feel like I'll be asked to leave before I can really show my worth."</p>
    <p>There was a brief pause before the woman on the other line answered, and Alex tightened the quilt around her shoulders as she waited for the reply. "I think that you're being a little too hard on yourself. You have the skills necessary to be a success with the BAU, otherwise they would never have accepted your resume, correct?"</p>
    <p>"Yes."</p>
    <p>"Then, you have to start trusting yourself and have a little more confidence. You are worthy of being where you are, and I think that you know that deep down. How much sleep have you gotten while there?"</p>
    <p>"Last night was rough," she admitted, thinking about how unaccustomed she was to hearing another person in the bedroom with her. James and she had existed in a Skype marriage for so long that it was odd to hear the soft noises that JJ made in the night. "I mean, it's not like JJ talks in her sleep, or anything like that, but the small, quiet, noises that she makes have just thrown me off a little. She's asleep already, so it will be interesting to go back in there and try to drift off myself."</p>
    <p>"This could be practice for when James comes back to you."</p>
    <p>The woman had a point, and Alex nodded as she rubbed her lips together. "That is a good point. I just don't want her to feel bad about keeping me awake. And I assume that she's accustomed to Emily being her room partner."</p>
    <p>"Oh?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. And this is going to sound like I'm judging her, or like I'm a prude, but she's a little more open with her body than I anticipated. Or I'm a Victorian grandmother for wearing a lounge pants and a long sleeve nightshirt. But I felt like I was ogling her for noticing the fact that she was in short shorts and a camisole."</p>
    <p>The woman laughed a little. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't giggle at your discomfort, but how old is this JJ?"</p>
    <p>"If I had to guess, she's probably just thirty? Or else she has a baby face."</p>
    <p>"That's the crux of the matter, then. She's young and free. But just because you took a look at what she's wearing doesn't mean that you're ogling her. That would involve staring at her long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, and you do not seem like a person who would do that. So, to distract your mind from that, how close do you think you are from catching the bad guy?"</p>
    <p>Alex let out a long, defeated, breath. "It feels like we're no closer tonight than we were yesterday. JJ keeps saying that it will be better when Garcia is back from London next week, since she's faster at the searches than Kevin is, but I don't see how that will make that large a difference."</p>
    <p>"You'd be surprised. If this Garcia is the normal person they work with, there is probably a rapport there that helps everyone to cut unnecessary fluff."</p>
    <p>"I didn't think about that. Thank you." She paused a moment. "You know, I've been talking a lot about myself, but you haven't really said anything about yourself. What's going on in your life?"</p>
    <p>"Things are a little stressful, I won't lie. That's also why I called you, since I wanted to distract myself from my personal problems. I have a small issue at work that is bleeding into my private life, and I don't foresee a solution to the problem coming any time soon. I keep chipping away at the issue, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. I know that I have to give it time, but it feels like the amount of time has been more than sufficient. And for a normally patient person, having this impatience burning in my chest is odd."</p>
    <p>There was something familiar about that word cadence, and Alex frowned a little before shivering in her chair. "Well, every problem has a solution, even if it isn't one that we want to admit is correct. Try to give it some more time. I miss James."</p>
    <p>"And I miss my partner. But he's away on a business trip, so I have to wait until he returns. But it is nice when he does come back."</p>
    <p>A slight blush stole across Alex's face before she replied. "I understand that feeling very well. When James comes home from his MSF assignment, we very often don't leave bed for a whole day. Or at least, we used to. Now, it feels like we're going through the motions of a marriage, and I can't find a way to bring that spark back to us. I don't want to admit that I'm settling into a friend love with him, even if that's what it feels like."</p>
    <p>She yawned after saying that, vaguely hearing the woman sigh on the other end of the line. "Well, there is that song by Adele, right? About how sometimes love lasts and sometimes it hurts. Perhaps this is one of those periods of hurt. You'll never know until you talk to him."</p>
    <p>"Again, you have a good point. And I'm sorry to cut off this conversation, just when it seems like we were getting somewhere, but I am about to fall asleep. I'll give thought to the things you suggested, thank you."</p>
    <p>"Any time, Alex. Sleep well."</p>
    <p>Once more, before Alex could reply, the woman had hung up, and she frowned at the phone as she bundled the quilt up in her arms and made her way back into the room, plugging her phone in to charge before turning it on silent and collapsing on the bed, barely having time to turn out the lights before she fell asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex frowned and groaned as she pulled the quilt up higher around her shoulders, trying to ignore the person shaking her shoulder. "Just five more minutes, James. Please."</p>
    <p>"I'm not James, there's been a break in the case, and Hotch wants us down in the breakfast nook in ten minutes. I let you sleep for as long as I could."</p>
    <p>JJ's voice immediately caught her attention, and she sat up with a start. "Dammit, what time is it?"</p>
    <p>"Just after seven, but like I said, there's been a break, so Hotch wants to head out as soon as possible. I'll make coffee for you down in the breakfast nook while you dress?"</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she pushed away the covers and slipped out of bed. "Thank you so much, JJ. I'll take it black this morning, since there's not time to really make anything fancy." JJ nodded and left the room, and Alex shook her head a little as she tore off her pyjamas and hurriedly dressed before dragging a brush through her hair and tying it back with the first hair tie her fingers touched. "There's no time for makeup this morning, Lex," she told herself as she pocketed a lipstick and mascara, knowing that she could at least apply that in the car while one of the others was driving.</p>
    <p>By the time she arrived in the breakfast nook, it was only JJ and Rossi left there, and she frowned as she accepted the cup from the woman's hands, sipping at the coffee as she waited for an explanation. "Hotch took Reid already, since Rossi here offered me up to drive. Never forget that, Alex. He will weasel out of driving as often as he can, since he's become accustomed to the cushy life."</p>
    <p>"Hey, I have to drive everywhere when I'm home. Can I help it if I like being chauffeured out here? Besides, as an accomplished author, I have grown accustomed to the good life."</p>
    <p>Alex could tell by the way he spoke that he was teasing just as much as JJ was, and she gave them both a small smile as they went out into the parking lot and over to the other SUV. Alex automatically went for the back, only for JJ to shake her head and point to the passenger seat. Taking a deep breath, she nodded and slipped in next to the woman as Rossi got into the back. "I take it there's something that you want to ask me?" she said as she buckled her seatbelt, listening to JJ turn the vehicle on before she backed out of the parking spot.</p>
    <p>"You would be correct. I have this vague impression that you received a call at midnight last night? Who would call so late?"</p>
    <p>Alex blushed as she looked out the window. She didn't want to reveal something so personal about herself to JJ or Rossi, since she wasn't certain that she understood the strange phone call friendship. Still, she knew that they were waiting for an answer, so she took a deep breath and answered. "It was James, he forgets about time changes sometimes. It's a six hour difference between us and Gabon, but this case makes it seven, and while it's a good time for him, it was not a good time for us. Still, it was nice to talk to him, since we don't get that much time together."</p>
    <p>"You didn't talk long."</p>
    <p>Alex sighed a little as she looked at Rossi in the rearview mirror, seeing that he was watching them with interest. Frowning a little, Alex slid her eyes away from the mirror to glance at JJ. "I actually went out onto the balcony so I wouldn't keep you up. It's not fair that I would keep you up with my conversation. Even if it was a little cool outside."</p>
    <p>Rossi chuckled in the back seat. "You'll need to bring warmer clothes with you next time, then. If you think that he'll call again."</p>
    <p>"He might, and I'll keep that in mind, especially as we get further into autumn." That seemed to be the catalyst for the discussion to turn to the case, and Alex listened as Rossi filled them in on the break in the case, and Alex knew that they would definitely be home by the evening. It was so easy to go into work mode, the words of James's friend ringing in her head that she was more than capable of doing this job, and that she deserved her position here.</p>
    <p>By the time they arrived at the police department, Hotch and Reid were outside waiting for them, and they jumped in the vehicle as soon as JJ threw it into park. "All right, we're heading to this address, as the unsub has holed up inside his former partner's house and is holding him hostage. When we get there, Alex, I want you and Reid to work on getting him to stand down."</p>
    <p>"Why us two, Hotch?" she asked once JJ had plugged the address into the GPS.</p>
    <p>"Your dynamic is much like the one that he has with his former partner. He's older, has a PhD, and the unsub is Reid's age, also with a PhD, and so I'm hoping that we can exploit that dynamic here."</p>
    <p>She nodded as she settled back in the seat, listening to the others discuss the case, taking mental notes of how she wanted to react to the unsub once they were at the residence. JJ came in a little hot next to a group of police cruisers, and Alex tried not to react how she felt before clambering out of the vehicle and heading to the back, grabbing the vest that Hotch handed to her. There was something about the heavy weight that felt a little too real, and she had to take a few calming breaths in order to not freak out. Still, Rossi clapped his hand on her shoulder, offering her a little bit of comfort before she and Reid went up to the door, her hand on the butt of her gun, ready to pull it out at a moment's notice.</p>
    <p>"Jericho Baker, you need to come out!" she said in a strong voice, only for Reid to start grousing next to her about being so forceful. It was all part of the act, and she gave him a small nod as they started to bicker a little, setting up the drama that they wanted to play out. It worked soon enough, and the front door creaked open, the officers at their sides drawing their weapons in case anything hinky started going down. "Jericho?"</p>
    <p>He nodded, giving them a wary look. "What do you want?"</p>
    <p>"Can we come inside and talk?" Again, Alex tried to sound authoritative, which seemed to get Jericho's attention, and he nodded once more before opening the door a little wider, allowing them to enter. Alex took the lead, letting Reid follow her, the sound of the door closing sounding all too loud in her ears. "Where's Leland?"</p>
    <p>"In the living room. He's fine, I wouldn't hurt him, I just needed a place to think about what my next move would be."</p>
    <p>"Things got too quickly out of hand, didn't they?" Reid asked as they went into the living room, and Jericho nodded as they saw Leland sitting on the sofa, his hands tied behind his back. "I feel that way, too, being the youngest on my team and the smartest in the room. I just want people to recognize me for how much better I am than they are. Thankfully, I have people like Alex who pull me back from that ledge and we don't end up here. I think that you need to let Leland go. You don't really want to hurt him, do you?"</p>
    <p>Jericho shook his head, and Reid reached out to help Leland to his feet before taking him from the room, leaving Alex along with the unsub. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but she didn't see a weapon in his hands, so she tried to play things cool. "And I think that you know where we go from here, Jericho. You have to face up to the bad decisions that you made."</p>
    <p>"I know. I just didn't realise that one small wrong choice would lead to the FBI coming after me." He held out his wrists, and Alex quickly cuffed them before tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow and marching him over to the front door. From there, the police department took over, and Alex let out a long breath of relief as she slumped her shoulders and followed Reid back to the SUV.</p>
    <p>"All right, let's head back to the hotel, and I'll call our pilot to let him know that we'd like to leave within the hour. Thank God for unsubs who realise their mistakes," Hotch said as he took the keys from JJ and got behind the wheel. Alex nodded as she climbed into the back with Reid and JJ, knowing that Rossi would be most comfortable sitting next to Hotch. She closed her eyes and listened to the two conversations that were going on around her, their voices soon lulling her into a light sleep.</p>
    <p>"I took the liberty of packing your bag for you, Alex," she heard sometime later, and she blinked her eyes open to see JJ smiling at her. "You were up too late last night talking!"</p>
    <p>"And I'm not used to these hours yet. Give me a few more cases, and I won't do this again. Even if I do continue to get midnight calls." JJ nodded as she buckled her belt, and Alex gave her a small smile as Hotch drove to the airfield.</p>
    <p>During the flight home, Alex allowed herself to listen to the rest of the team once more, still learning the dynamics between them. It seemed like there was some underlying attraction between JJ and Hotch, though she treated Reid like a little brother, which made sense, since he was the youngest of the team. Rossi was still a bit of an enigma, as he had changed since the last time she had worked with him. And Hotch was definitely more stoic than he had been the last time they had been together, though she attributed that to the fact he had lost his wife to an unsub. Letting out a little sigh, she pulled out her phone to scroll through her mail, not finding anything that needed her immediate attention, though she did notice that the technical analyst had sent over her credentials for a new work email, and had said that that would act as her login for the computer system as well.</p>
    <p>By the time they were back in the bullpen, Alex had her new email set up, and had changed the password to something that was easier for her to remember. She was so preoccupied in her phone that she almost ran into Erin, and she gave the woman a withering glance as she hurried past her and made her way over to her desk. That look seemed to cause her to back off, which was exactly what Alex was going for, and she took a seat behind her desk and booted her computer up, quickly signing into the mainframe with her user name and password, letting out a small sigh of relief when it worked.</p>
    <p>"How did you find your first case back?"</p>
    <p>Alex looked up into Hotch's face and gave him a small smile, gesturing for him to take a seat on the edge of her desk. "It was tiring, but I expected that, since I have to grow accustomed to the pace once more. It felt so good to bring in the unsub today with such little fuss, and I know that that's not the usual course of events."</p>
    <p>He nodded, his face never relaxing for a moment. "That is very much the case, yes. I'm glad that we had a relatively easy case to welcome you back to the team, but that usually means the next case we go out on will be the complete opposite. So, rest up tonight, as we could very well hit the ground running tomorrow morning. You don't need to be here until nine, but I'd appreciate it if you finish up your report this afternoon before you leave for the day."</p>
    <p>"Hotch, you're talking to a researcher who has to pull together articles with a week's notice sometimes, I think that I can finish a simple report in a few hours." That did cause him to break into a small grin, and she chuckled in return as she began to work on that report, knowing that she could get it completely finished before the end of the day.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
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    <p>It had actually taken two days before they headed out on a new case, and from the look on Hotch's face when he had called them together for the briefing, Alex knew that it would not be a good one. And then the pictures on the screen had proven those feelings right. Since it had been so long since she had been with the BAU, she had unconsciously flinched to see what the unsub was doing to the women he killed. "All right, wheel's up in twenty," Hotch said when he had finished briefing the case, and she could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was not looking forward to this case.</p>
    <p>Nodding, she followed JJ out of the conference room, and after they had made their way down to her desk, the younger woman turned to her, giving her a slightly nervous smile. "I really wish that Morgan and Garcia were back for this case. Being two members down is not going to bode well on this one."</p>
    <p>"When are they returning?" she asked as she scooped up her go bag and walked with JJ over to her desk.</p>
    <p>"In a week. And I know, if we had caught this case a week later, the unsub would probably have chosen another victim, so we want to head in as soon as possible. I just feel more settled when we have everyone. Even you've become a part of the team in short order. I just wish you'd talk a little more, because I feel like a chatterbox."</p>
    <p>Alex shrugged as they made their way out to the elevators, letting JJ press the down button. "I'm not much for talking, I'm sorry. I feel like we can learn more from situations by listening. And anything you say to me, dies with me."</p>
    <p>"That's good to know. We protect each other here, because we need to work well together. And don't worry, once Garcia is back, you won't have me chattering away in your ear, since we talk a lot. Probably more than is healthy. I think that you'll like her."</p>
    <p>"She sounds lovely. But what about Agent Morgan? Is there anything that I should know about him before they get back next week?" she asked as they stepped into the elevator, and JJ gave her an almost wicked smile. "That does not seem encouraging."</p>
    <p>"He's a good guy, he's helped me grow as an agent, but there are times when he can be a complete jackass." Alex nodded a little, trying to encourage JJ to say more. "There was a time when Hotch had to step down as our Unit Chief, and Strauss chose him, of all people, to step up to the leadership position. Or at least, Hotch made it feel like it was her choice. Life goes easier for us when she thinks she gets her way."</p>
    <p>Alex was unable to stifle her laugh as she nodded, and JJ tilted her head to one side as she gave her a look. "I suppose that I have to answer that look, don't I?" JJ nodded. "Erin and I have history, it's not something I would like to discuss, but I'm certain that Hotch or Rossi could fill you in on the details, if you asked. But I do know, full well, that keeping Erin happy can make life easier for everyone involved."</p>
    <p>There was an unintentional wistfulness in her voice that she knew JJ picked up on by the way her expression softened, and Alex took a deep breath as she prepared herself for another round of questions. "Can I ask a personal question?"</p>
    <p>"You may ask, I just may choose not to answer."</p>
    <p>"Fair enough," JJ replied as they stepped out of the elevator. "I'll drive to the airfield today, so that we can continue this conversation." Alex nodded a little as she followed close to JJ, not knowing what her car looked like. "So, just like you, I can keep things close to the vest. There are some things that I haven't ever told the team. Are, are you someone who likes both apples and bananas?"</p>
    <p>Alex glanced over to see that the younger woman's cheeks were bright red with embarrassment, as if she was afraid that she would react negatively to the subtextual question. "I do happen to like both fruits, however, my parents, particularly my mother encouraged me in one direction. And before you ask, I will not answer any further questions regarding Erin and myself. There are some things that I would like to keep private, no matter what you might think about the truth of matters."</p>
    <p>JJ gave her a small smile as she unlocked her car, and Alex smiled back as she stowed her go bag in the back seat before settling into the passenger seat. "It's okay, just so you know. It just feels good to have someone else know about my fruit preference."</p>
    <p>"It is hard to keep certain things locked away in our hearts," she murmured absently as JJ drove to the airfield. Her driving was slightly better than the last time she had been behind the wheel, which made Alex feel a little better. "Now, here's hoping that we can close this case quickly. I don't like being even further out of sync with James."</p>
    <p>"I know. This will make things awkward for me to talk to Henry before he goes to sleep, since his bedtime will be five, Seattle time. That's the one thing that I don't like about this job."</p>
    <p>"I understand," she replied before she could call those two little words back, and she hoped that JJ wouldn't ask if she had children. She didn't want to talk about Ethan, not with anyone. Even if she knew that Erin would ask after him, if they ever got to speaking terms again, which Alex considered as likely as Hell freezing over. "Have you ever thought about having another child?"</p>
    <p>She didn't know what possessed her to ask such an intrusive question, but it was now out in the open for JJ to decide to answer or not. There was a long pause, and when Alex slid her eyes over to look at the woman, she saw the tight set of her jaw as she took a few deep breaths. "The time just hasn't ever been right," she finally replied as she pulled into the parking lot of the private airfield, and before Alex could say another word, she was parking the car and hopping out, fairly running over to the plane and boarding it as she shoved her bag into Reid's arms.</p>
    <p>Alex was slower at getting out, wanting to give JJ some space, and she locked the doors after grabbing her bag. Heading over to the jet, she gave Rossi a small smile as he took it from her hands, and she boarded with her tablet in hand, knowing that she didn't need anything else to occupy her time during the flight. Climbing the stairs, Alex tried to prepare a suitable apology for the gaffe she'd made, only to see that JJ was already seated next to Hotch, talking about the case, and she let out a small sigh as she took a seat across the aisle, knowing that Reid and Rossi would want to sit across from the other two members of the team.</p>
    <p>As she waited for the everyone to get settled, and the jet to take off, Alex allowed herself to get lost in thought. There was something about this case that she knew was going to test her mettle, since from the briefing, she knew that it was a lot more brutal than their case in Alabama. And suddenly, she wondered if Hotch had deliberately chosen for them to take a softball case in order to ease her back into profiling. Alex certainly hoped that that was not the case, since that insinuated that he didn't think she was truly capable of just diving into the perfidy that was human nature. <em>I hope that my midnight caller is able to call tonight. I truly need to get these things off my chest</em>, she mused. She didn't want to think about why she needed that connection, since that would require her to do some soul searching about the fact that she couldn't talk to those closest to her, but she could certainly open herself up to a stranger and just bleed her feelings and frustrations out all over them. James would say that it only made sense, because talking to the ones she loved meant that she had to put herself out on a limb, and she hadn't truly done that since Erin had broken her.</p>
    <p>A pair of snaps caught her attention, and Alex shook her head to see Rossi sitting across from her, a sheepish smile on his lips. "Sorry, Alex, I didn't mean to be rude, but nothing seemed to be getting your attention. Hotch wants to start working on a preliminary profile, so that we can hit the ground running, so to speak."</p>
    <p>She nodded and turned the chair so that it was better facing them, calling up the notepad app on the tablet and taking notes on the things that the others were saying, still feeling hesitant to share her thoughts with the others, even though she knew that they wouldn't judge her. There was this perfectionist streak inside her, though, that whispered for her to keep things close to the vest still, at least for one more case. Once they had finished gathering their thoughts and dissecting the few facts that they had, they broke into individuals once more, and Alex curled up in her seat as she angled her body towards the window and stared at her notes, comparing what they'd gone over with the crime scene photos. It seemed like the police had taken too long to call them in, as the number of known victims was in the double digits.</p>
    <p>"So, is there anything that you'd like to discus with me?"</p>
    <p>Alex looked up to see that Hotch had taken the seat across from her, while the others were occupied with their tablets, or in Reid's case, taking notes on paper as he rifled through paper copies of the case file. She drew in a deep breath as she stared at him for a few seconds longer, trying to figure out what he wanted to her to say. "I can't think of anything that we need to discuss, Hotch. Why?"</p>
    <p>He gave her a penetrating look, and she squirmed a little under the gaze as she waited for him to reply. "You have been distracted all morning. That's not like you, from the little that we've worked together already. And from what I remember from beforehand. Is there something that I should know about? You mentioned that your husband was in Gabon, is he all right? Or has he run into an issue over there?"</p>
    <p>It was almost like he was giving her an out, and she decided to run with that line of thinking, knowing that she didn't want to reveal that she was hoping to receive another midnight call while she was in Seattle. "He's fine, I'm just hoping that there is a time that he can call me while we're working this case. There is something about it that is just giving me that unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach that things will not end well. And while I know that I can't discuss details with James, he is able to help talk me down off the ledge of my feelings. After all, we can't have an unstable agent out in the field."</p>
    <p>He nodded and gave her the quickest, smallest, smile she'd ever seen, and she relaxed a little as he went over to the others once more, soon losing himself in a discussion with JJ. Their eyes met suddenly, and the younger woman gave her an almost anguished smile, and Alex nodded as she turned back to the window as she mulled over the details of the case, hoping that they would be able to catch the unsub quickly, even though she had a feeling that they would be in Seattle for quite some time.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex felt like she was crawling out of her skin by the third night in Seattle, and she knew that JJ was feeling the same way. They had hesitantly patched things up during the first night, and that was when she found out about the miscarriage JJ had had two years ago. She commiserated with her, telling her that she had experienced that loss as well, and it felt right to bond with her in that small way, especially since Alex could trust her not to say anything to anyone else. But as this case dragged on, it seemed like she wasn't going to receive that call she wanted.</p>
    <p>Flopping over onto her side, she could see that JJ was out like a light, and she found herself jealous over the fact that she could so easily sleep. Letting out a small huff of breath, Alex turned onto her back once more and stared at the ceiling, feeling like she was close to tears. And then, at the stroke of midnight, her phone rumbled on the nightstand, and she picked it up with relief, accepting the call as she slipped from the bed and grabbed her robe. "Give me a few moments to get outside," she whispered as she shoved her feet into her flats and went over to the patio door, opening it was quietly as she could before closing it behind her and sinking down into a chair. "I am so glad that you called."</p>
    <p>"Is it that bad?" her caller asked, and Alex nodded as she allowed a few tears to roll down her cheeks, knowing that no one could see her break down like that. "All right, tell me about it."</p>
    <p>"I don't want to give you nightmares."</p>
    <p>"I think that I can handle a few nightmares, if it gets this off your chest and allows you to rest easy. I can hear in your voice that you are exhausted. So please, go ahead and tell me everything that is on your mind. You'll feel all the better for it."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she wrapped her robe around her lap, her feet curled up beneath her as she stared out at the night sky. "Everything started off awkwardly when I stepped into Agent Jareau's feelings by accidentally asking an insensitive question about whether or not she wants more children. I didn't realise that she also had lost a much wanted pregnancy, and I don't like to consider the fact that we're in the same group."</p>
    <p>"It's a larger group than a lot of women realise, Alex."</p>
    <p>"Oh."</p>
    <p>"Yes. Well, I don't talk about it often, since it happened fifteen years ago, when everything in my life was going to hell, and it was another loss on top of everything else I was losing. But we're not discussing my issues, we're talking about you and why you feel so lost."</p>
    <p>Alex filed away that piece of information about her caller, so that she wouldn't accidentally hurt her in the future with careless words. "It surprises me how clearly you can see things. So, after a long flight, where my supervisor decided to call me out on my distractedness, and I had to fight back embarrassment for three hours, we landed in Seattle, and I've felt like I haven't had a chance to breathe properly in three days. And this is going to sound so sad, but I was hoping that you would call sooner, so that I could start the case off on a little better note than I have. I feel like I'm behind the curve, that I'm pulling the others down, and I am not about to admit that to Hotch, because he already thinks that I'm just a flighty woman who's missing her husband. And that is the last impression that I want to give off, because I have to prove myself."</p>
    <p>"To whom?"</p>
    <p>The question caught her off guard, and Alex took a deep breath before swiping her free thumb beneath her eyes to flick away her tears. "To everyone, but most of all, Erin." Alex's voice broke on her name, and she swallowed thickly as she struggled to get control of her emotions once more, knowing that everything was coming to a head for her. This case, with the brutal murders, was getting beneath her skin so quickly, and she knew that she was about to breakdown completely. "I keep thinking that I'm back with the BAU just to prove to myself that I'm a good profiler, that the mistake I made with the Amerithrax case was just a blip on the radar. But seeing her in the bullpen, seeing the way she looked at me, I realized that I was fooling myself. I hate her, but I don't hate her. How does that even make sense? And it doesn't help that these victims look like her, or rather, the her that she was fifteen years ago. So everything feels off kilter, and I am trying to keep everything locked down, and I think I'm coming apart at the seams."</p>
    <p>The torrent of words felt so right to release, even if it was the most she'd said to anyone in years. Not even her father had gotten this much out of her, and after James, he was the closest to her. The brief pause seemed too long to Alex's ears, and she felt a panic attack start in her chest, her breathing becoming more and more labored as she waited on the woman to answer. "I am so sorry that you're struggling like this, Alex. Before we talk about what you just told me, I think that you need to do something for me."</p>
    <p>"What?" she gasped out.</p>
    <p>"Set the phone down, stand up, raise your hands in the air, and take five deep breaths while counting to fifteen each time."</p>
    <p>Frowning a little, Alex did as asked, letting the robe fall to the ground as she followed the directive. By the time she reached the fifth breath, she was feeling immensely better, and then she was curling up in the chair again, spreading the robe out on her lap as she picked the phone back up. "All right, I'm back."</p>
    <p>"And you feel better, I can hear it in your voice. Now, this Erin, she's a former friend, I take it?"</p>
    <p>"Friend, lover, colleague, boss. We were messy in a way that I never want to be messy ever again. That was why I locked everything down, my feelings, my words, everything. Because if I stay closed off from people, well, then I won't get hurt again. And I can see that I was completely wrong by coming back to the BAU, but I'm not going to admit that to her, or to anyone else. I can't afford to be seen as weak, simpering, and I know that she would just follow after me to ensure that I was all right, which is something that I don't want, either. I'm now stuck between that proverbial rock and hard place that everyone speaks of, and I don't know if I can find a way out that will ensure I have my heart whole in the end."</p>
    <p>"All our hearts are made to be broken; we just have to find the people who can heal them in a way that makes them stronger in the end. You have your husband, which is great, but other than me, do you have anyone that you can talk to in depth? Sometimes, you need to have that face to face contact, to be able to reach out and touch a friend's hand as you pour out your feelings to them."</p>
    <p>"It has been so long since I've had that sort of relationship with others. I have colleagues, yes, and maybe in time, Agent Jareau can become something akin to a friend, but for the moment, it's just James and you. And I don't even have a name to call you. You're just my midnight caller, James's friend, and my little secret, since JJ assumes that I've been talking to my husband at midnight, for me."</p>
    <p>"You can call me Louise."</p>
    <p>The quick answer took her aback, and she drew in a sharp breath, trying to place why that name, coming from a voice that sounded vaguely familiar, would set her off kilter. "Louise, eh. I might just shorten that to Lou."</p>
    <p>"And you're deflecting now, Alex."</p>
    <p>She let out a watery chuckle as she nodded. "I am, yes. It is very easy for me to do that, since I have used that to protect my feelings for a long time now. How do I get control of these feelings once more? I need to be cool, calm, and collected as we try to bring this unsub to justice. And it doesn't help that I am also worried about meeting Garcia and Morgan when we get back to Quantico. I'm assuming that we'll arrive after them, since we just can't catch a break with this bastard. And I don't want to lose another woman to his viciousness."</p>
    <p>"You will take a deep breath, focus on bringing the unsub to justice. It won't be easy, but I know that you have the strength of character to push aside your wavering emotions and lead with your mind. And if you need to, you can probably talk to Agent Jareau about how things are going with this case. I wish that I could call you every night, but we would both soon be too exhausted to be any good at our jobs, and I think that your unit chief would not be happy with that outcome."</p>
    <p>"You would be right. He throws his everything into these cases, and yet still has the time to be gentle with his child. I overheard a call that I don't think I was supposed to, and…well, it makes me miss my Ethan. Even if no one knows about him. I want to keep it that way, since I don't feel up to pity from the team, if that makes sense."</p>
    <p>"It does, because sometimes you want to hold on to the memories of someone so tightly that letting anyone else in would mean diluting those memories. But if you ever do want to talk about him, my ear will be open. That's why I started calling, to let you know that you're not alone. Now, I hate to cut our discussion brief this evening, but I feel like I'm going to fall asleep on you at any moment. You have to be exhausted, too."</p>
    <p>"I am, but I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep right away. Can I ask something of you, Louise?"</p>
    <p>"Of course."</p>
    <p>"If I bring this conversation back into the hotel room, would you just stay on the line with me until I fall asleep? James is usually the one that I have do that with me, but I have had friends in the past who would just be there on the other end of the line. It's a childish request, I know, but it's something that I think I need tonight."</p>
    <p>"I can do that, yes. Though I have the feeling that I'll be asleep first."</p>
    <p>"You might just be right," she replied as she got to her feet and folded her robe over her arm as she made her way inside, taking care to lock the door before padding over to her bed and dropping down onto the mattress. "Louise?"</p>
    <p>"Yes, Alex?"</p>
    <p>"I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to me, even though you don't know me. It means quite a bit to me that you would throw your schedule off to keep things like they would be with James."</p>
    <p>"You are more than welcome, Alex." There was something about that phrasing that felt familiar to Alex, but her brain was so fuzzy from exhaustion that she couldn't focus on that thought, allowing it to slip back into the darkness of her brain as she pulled the covers up around her breasts before plugging her phone into the charger and settling down into the mattress as she brought the phone to her ear once more. "Are you comfortable now?"</p>
    <p>"I am."</p>
    <p>"Good. Now go to sleep. We'll be here for each other through the night." The comfort in those words filled Alex's chest with a feeling of warmth that she knew would help her to fall all the more quickly to sleep, and she closed her eyes as Louise began to hum a light melody, her exhaustion soon dragging her down into the sweet blackness of sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex was surprised by how rested she felt that next morning, since she had been up so late. JJ had questioned her a little about her call, since she knew that there had been a call, and Alex had managed to tell her that she had a good long talk with a friend, which helped to calm her spirit. That day had gone much the same as all the previous days, and by the time they returned to the hotel for the evening, Alex was tired, but not as exhausted as she had been.</p>
    <p>"So, when do you think that we're going to catch a break in this case?" JJ asked as she plopped down onto the bed across from Alex, a weary look on her face. "Henry misses me, as this is the longest time I've been out in the field since I returned to the BAU."</p>
    <p>"I hope that we are able to crack something, soon. We know that he has another victim at the moment, so I am hoping that we manage to catch him before he kills her. Even though her life will never be the same ever again."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded as she crossed her legs beneath her and let out a deep sigh. "I think that's one of the hardest parts of this job. The ghosts of memories of what happened to us never fully go away. That was the reason that Emily had to escape when Clyde offered her a way out. I should have seen that she was drowning beneath the weight of what Ian Doyle did to her, but all I could focus on was the fact that both of us were back with our work family, and how right it felt, especially when Spence treated us so badly. I understood his anger, in time, but it still hurt, you know?" Alex gave her a small nod. "Well, I should probably prepare you a little more for Garcia's return. I was texting with her last night and she couldn't stop saying how much she was going to miss Emily when they leave London on Sunday. She's going to be jetlagged and curious and maybe a tad bit overwhelming. She is a lot, and her recent experiences will most likely just amplify that. I just…I want my work family to be at peace for a while. It was weird enough adding Strauss to the mix at my wedding."</p>
    <p>That caught Alex's attention, and she stretched out on the bed, holding the extra pillow tight to her chest as she watched JJ copy her pose. "Tell me more."</p>
    <p>JJ blew out a long breath as she clutched the pillow a little tighter. "So, I don't know if you wanted any coverage of the bank heist incident back in May."</p>
    <p>Alex shook her head. "I was buried so deep in grading at that time, that I only vaguely remember hearing about it on the news. And from some of my students the next school day. What happened?"</p>
    <p>"Everything," JJ said with a slight chuckle. "But long story short, my husband is a detective with the DC Metro police force, he and his partner responded to a bank robbery call, she was shot in the head, all the people inside were taken hostage, a few were killed, and then Will was taken hostage because he could help them evade capture. The bank blew up, I thought he had died, the ring leader tried to use my son as a pawn, and Will and Emily nearly were blown up in the train station because mayhem was the goal. But that doesn't explain Strauss's presence, does it?"</p>
    <p>"No, it does not."</p>
    <p>"She was called in by the director to oversee us, to try and manage the situation. She holed up with Garcia in the mobile command unit, but I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that she didn't get in our way a lot. Instead, she worked with Hotch and Rossi to get us the resources we needed to do our job. And then, when we were all gathered in the bullpen, she pulled Morgan to the side and talked to him for a little bit, and she was all smiles. It was weird to see, not going to lie. And then Hotch tells us all that Rossi is having a party the next evening, to wipe out the hard memories of the day. Only, he managed to cobble together a surprise wedding for me and Will in the course of a day. He even flew my mother down from Pennsylvania."</p>
    <p>"That's what happens when you're a famous author."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded as she chuckled. "Well, since Strauss and Rossi are an item, no matter how much they'll both deny it, of course she was there. And she danced with all the men there, along with Garcia, but that was because Garcia was drunk off her ass and was dancing with everyone in order to avoid Kevin. But…"</p>
    <p>"Yes?" Alex asked, wanting to know what was making JJ so hesitant about just spitting an answer out and letting her know what was troubling her.</p>
    <p>"There were moments, when she was in Rossi's arms, when she looked absolutely gorgeous. Like, if I had met her in that moment, with none of the baggage attached to us, I would have fallen for her. It makes no sense, she's not anywhere close to my type, but for just one fleeting moment, I wanted to bask in her glory."</p>
    <p>Alex fell back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling of their room as she took a few deep breaths. "Erin does have that magnetic force about her, yes. It was stronger when she was younger, but that shouldn't surprise you. We're all more magnetic when we don't have to conform to the pressures that the world forces on us. Erin felt like she had to prove herself to the world at large, since she was competing with the memory of her dead brother, and so she all too quickly became hard and unyielding."</p>
    <p>She broke off her words, suddenly realizing that she was revealing far too much about herself to JJ, and she didn't want to have that knowledge out there, where it could come back to haunt her. "So, I was getting a glimpse of who she really is?" JJ asked softly, and Alex turned onto her side so that she could look at JJ once more.</p>
    <p>"Probably, yes. I haven't interacted with her since I returned to the BAU, and I don't have plans to do so any time soon. There is still too much bad blood between us for me to just extend my hand in forgiveness. She keeps trying, but I will not bend."</p>
    <p>A slight smirk quickly slipped across JJ's lips, and Alex narrowed her eyes as she continued to gaze at the woman. A blush quickly followed the smirk, and Alex allowed an uncomfortable silence to develop between them, wondering if JJ would comment on the look she had given her. "I really cannot wait to see how you react to her for the first time, Alex. I have the feeling that when her unmovable force meets your unstoppable will, the fireworks that result will be a sight to see. Because for all that you label her as hard and unyielding, I have the feeling that you are just as stubborn. Not that that's a bad thing, but like I said. Fireworks."</p>
    <p>"You are hilarious," Alex muttered sarcastically as she turned onto her back once more, closing her eyes as she listened to JJ start to settle down. "Did you want to call Will? I can head down to the lobby and read for a bit if you'd like privacy?"</p>
    <p>"Too cold outside for you?"</p>
    <p>She nodded as scooted up along the mattress until her back was resting against the headboard, drawing her knees up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "I didn't want to disturb you by sneaking down to the lobby when I got my call, but it was really damp and cool. I probably should have worn the robe and brought out a blanket, but I didn't want to leave her waiting."</p>
    <p>"I suppose that I can always bring earplugs to wear at night," JJ said, and Alex looked over in time to see her wink a little, and she smiled back. "But no, I don't mind if you hear tonight's conversation, since it's just a check in call. Will and I had a bit of a tiff over texts yesterday and today, and I'm still not ready to say that he might have been right. I don't want to give him that satisfaction."</p>
    <p>"Oh?"</p>
    <p>"Yeah. The longer I hold out, the better coming home will be, after all. Can I ask you something personal?"</p>
    <p>"I rather like the fact that you ask before you ask, JJ." The other woman shrugged and Alex nodded before resting her cheek on her knees. "And again, you are welcome to ask, I just might not reply."</p>
    <p>"Do you and James ever spice things up a little? I know, I know, it's a super personal question, and you're brand new to our team, but I'm used to having Emily here to talk about these things, and I miss that companionship. Will, well, he got used to it just being me after Emily left our team, and he's not happy that you're interrupting something that I didn't really feel all that comfortable doing in the first place?"</p>
    <p>JJ's face was beet red by the time she reached the end of her rushed words, and Alex wasn't surprised to see her grab a pillow and bury her face in it, because she understood that it was a very personal topic to broach with anyone not as close to her as Emily clearly was. "Is that what your text fight was about?" she asked gently, and JJ hurriedly shook her head. "Well, if I might be a bit rude, he can go suck an egg. You don't owe him anything that you're uncomfortable with, and if you have to use me as an excuse not to do that, feel free. I am more than willing to be seen as the bad guy in that situation."</p>
    <p>JJ peeked her eyes up over the pillow, and Alex felt her heart clench a little to see that there were tears glistening in her eyes. "Really?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. Sex in marriage is just as much a negotiation as sex before marriage. You are always free to say no. And how many times have we told that to our survivors?"</p>
    <p>"A lot."</p>
    <p>"Exactly. But to answer your question, yes, James and I utilize Skype to take care of our more physical desires, along with our emotional ones. Though there is something to be said for skin on skin contact, and we've found that we much prefer that. Even if it is sometimes six months or longer between our intimate times together."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded as she slowly opened her body up once more, a slightly peaceful look on her face. "Thank you. I suppose that I should make that call to Will now, before I fall asleep on my ass." Alex chuckled a little as she threw her feet over the bed and stood up. "Where are you going?"</p>
    <p>"I'm actually going to take a quick shower. I'd rather you have a little privacy when you talk to him about this little issue, as it was embarrassing enough for you to talk about that in the first place, and I don't want you to feel more awkward."</p>
    <p>"Are you certain?"</p>
    <p>She nodded as she padded over to the bathroom, giving JJ a warmer smile as she opened the door. "Some things are better discussed in private. Though if you have any more stories about Garcia or Morgan that you'd like to tell me when you get off the phone, I'll be more than happy to listen." JJ dipped her chin in agreement as she picked up her phone, and Alex slipped behind the bathroom door, closing it before stripping off her pyjamas and stepping into the shower, turning the water on and allowing it to warm up as she tied back her hair, not wanting to wash it again.</p>
    <p>There was something about the conversation that wouldn't leave Alex's mind, and as she washed her body, she thought about how she had very easily slipped into revealing personal information about herself, though JJ had also told her very personal things, so she considered it to overall be a win for her, since it bonded them in a way that would have the younger woman be on her side, should Erin press the issue of reconciliation between them. Alex just hoped that that wouldn't be the case, though, since she wanted to avoid Erin as much as possible for as long as she could.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex shook her head a little as she watched Hotch and Rossi wrestle their unsub into the back of a waiting police car. Their much needed break had come late in the afternoon on Sunday, and she was hoping beyond hope that they would be spending one final night in Seattle, as she did not want to drive home in the middle of the night. From the look on his face, though, that seemed to be a pipe dream, and she followed Reid over to the waiting SUV, climbing into the back next to JJ as they waited for the others to get back to them.</p>
    <p>Rossi easily got into the passenger seat of the SUV, turning slightly to give them all a defeated look. "I have good news and bad news."</p>
    <p>"Start with the good, Rossi," Reid hurriedly said before anyone else could respond.</p>
    <p>"We're spending the night here. The bad news is that we are going to be heading out to the airfield at four in the morning."</p>
    <p>"What? Why?" JJ protested as Alex's shoulders slumped tiredly.</p>
    <p>"Hotch is on the phone with Strauss right now, and apparently, there's a bad case in Texas that needs our immediate attention. He'll give us more details as soon as we're back at the hotel, but I would suggest that we all pack and go to sleep as soon as we've finished eating. And I am definitely going to be sleeping on the plane home, as well, because it is going to suck to be on back to back cases."</p>
    <p>"And there won't even be time to get fresh clothes for this case. I wish that I had taken the time to use the laundry room," JJ groaned, and Alex gave her a look. "What?"</p>
    <p>"We're not leaving until the morning. There's still time to do washing. We could probably share machines and split the cost?"</p>
    <p>"This is why we added another doctor to the group," JJ said with a smile and a quick wink. "Someone has to have a brain that still functions at the end of a long case."</p>
    <p>"That is why I am paid the big bucks," she teased back, and JJ chuckled as they settled into their seats, Hotch climbing behind the wheel and started the SUV, quickly pulling out into traffic and speeding back to their hotel.</p>
    <p>"All right, I am placing our standard order for Chinese as soon as we reach the hotel. Blake, what's your preference?"</p>
    <p>"Beef and broccoli, and egg rolls." He nodded as he gave her a small smile before refocusing on the road. Somehow, Alex knew that he would remember her order, since that was one of the things that she knew about him. The drive was quick, since it was apparent that Hotch wanted to get back and prepare to leave, and Alex found herself staring out the window as the scenery passed them by. Glancing ahead, she saw that Rossi was texting with someone, and if she had to hazard a guess, it was Erin, since she knew now that they were a couple. For some strange reason, Alex felt a stab of jealousy prod her heart, and she frowned as she pulled out her own phone and sent off a quick text to James, letting him know that they had closed this case, but would be headed right out on the next one once they landed in Quantico the next morning.</p>
    <p>"Well, there's one good thing about this case ending when it did," Reid said suddenly, breaking the silence of the car, and she looked over at him expectantly. "We'll be back to a full team for this case in Texas. While it's been nice to have a small group, Morgan and Garcia will make things feel complete."</p>
    <p>Alex gave him a small smile as she nodded before looking back out the window once more. A small knot was forming in the pit of her stomach over the idea of meeting these new people, since she found that she worked well with the group as it was, even if she hadn't had to interact with Kevin at all. Sighing deeply, she let her head thump against the glass as the drive concluded.</p>
    <p>It didn't surprise her that she and JJ were the first out of the vehicle, and she gave the woman a small smile as they opted for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. "Do you want me to bundle everything up and run it down to the laundry room?" Alex asked as JJ unlocked their door. "That way you can at least call Will and let him know about what's going on, and I can give you some privacy."</p>
    <p>"That would be great, Alex, thank you!"</p>
    <p>She shrugged as she went over to her side of the dresser and gathered up all the soiled clothes, knowing that almost everything other than underwear was clean. Still, she decided to launder her undershirts as well, since they sat so close to her skin. With everything gathered up in her arms, she turned to JJ, accepting the load from her arms before stuffing them into her bag. "I'll sit down there with them, since there's this article that I want to read in my current journal. You have my number to text if you have any questions or instructions, yes?"</p>
    <p>JJ nodded as she plopped down onto her bed, curling her legs beneath her rump as she pulled out her phone. "Yeah. Thanks again."</p>
    <p>Alex was going to say something, but thought better of it when JJ began to scroll through her phone. Instead, she grabbed the journal off the nightstand and made her way back down to the ground floor. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone else in the laundry room when she arrived, and Alex tossed everything into the first machine, adding detergent before starting it and taking a seat in the comfortable chair in the corner. It was easy to curl up in it, and she sighed a little as she opened the journal and began to read from where she had left off. As she read, Alex heard a bit of commotion and looked up to see Reid had actually listened to her and JJ's conversation, as he was stuffing a bunch of clothes into the second machine. "That seems like a lot of clothes for just you," she said offhandedly as she turned the page on her article.</p>
    <p>"Yeah, well, Rossi is good at passing off things in such a way that you don't realise you've been maneuvered into a corner until you're trapped. I'm not going to bother to sort everything out, since it's not like we can access the dry cleaning services at this late time. If he wants his boxers ironed, starched, and creased, well, he should have done this himself."</p>
    <p>She let out a loud laugh as she folded down the edge of her page and set the journal in her lap as she looked at him. "So, this Morgan guy. What's he like? JJ has told me a little about Garcia, but hasn't been very forthcoming on him."</p>
    <p>Reid came over to her side and sank down into the open chair, somehow managing to cross his legs comfortably as he did so. "He tries to be a good guy, but he can come off as a real jackass at times. Garcia is half in love with him, which he knows, but he'll never see her as anything other than his God given solace. She's not his type."</p>
    <p>"Oh?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. And it's going to end up with her getting hurt, which she doesn't deserve, because she is a ray of pure sunshine in this awful job. But we're not talking about her, we're focusing on Morgan. He thinks he's always right, and he'll never apologise when he's wrong. There was an incident when Jen was away from the team, but before Emily supposedly died, where he went to conduct a parole interview with a man accused of murdering his wife and daughter. He had always proclaimed his innocence, but there was no evidence at the time to corroborate that. And Derek listened to his story, took in the fact that this man had turned his life around as best he could in prison, and was rehabilitated, as far as Derek could tell."</p>
    <p>"I hear a rather large but coming."</p>
    <p>Reid nodded. "Yes, but also no. The testimony that Derek gave the parole board was enough to grant the prisoner that, even though the murders were so brutal. And then, less than forty eight hours out of prison, it appeared that the man had killed someone else. And Strauss was pissed. I've never seen her that angry before in my life, and I never want to see that again. It's terrifying."</p>
    <p>"Erin definitely has a scary streak when she's angry, yes. Let me guess, Morgan didn't grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness?"</p>
    <p>Reid chuckled as he shook his head. "Oh, Derek was pissed off that he had been duped, but he wasn't about to show that in front of Strauss, not after she had already sent Jen away to the State Department. There was the feeling that any one of us could be next, after all. So, he played it cool and swore that he would fix it. And he did, in the worst way possible. I know that the outcome ended up right, but the way that Morgan went about it nearly led to us being disbanded as a team."</p>
    <p>"Oh?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. See, the real unsub was an up and coming political player, and Strauss knew exactly how things might go down. In hindsight, I know that she was protecting us, but at the time it seemed like she was just being awful for no reason at all. Rossi said that she's good at playing the political game."</p>
    <p>"She is. She always has been. My brain never worked that way."</p>
    <p>"Mine doesn't, either, but I'm glad that hers does. She went to bat for us when Emily returned from the dead. I know that she tried to give all the credit to Emily's testimony when we were called before the Senate after the whole team was suspended, but I know that it was also her being able to wheel and deal with Senators and Ambassadors that helped to save us as well."</p>
    <p>That was news to Alex, and she nodded a little as she let out a long sigh. "I suppose that she does have a good side," she begrudgingly said as Reid nodded, pulling out a book from the bag he'd brought down with him. "So, is Morgan a good guy?"</p>
    <p>"I think that you'll get along with him well enough, as soon as you let him know that you won't accept any backchat from him. He'll try to charm you after that, but don't let that throw you. But given that you're closer to Rossi and Hotch in age, well, I doubt that he'll try to flirt with you too much, especially since you're married."</p>
    <p>"That's good to know," she murmured as she picked up her journal and began to read the article that had piqued her interest in the first place. Soon, she was lost in the words of her colleague, and it took a few moments for her to recognize the sound of the washing machine ending its cycle. Setting the journal on her chair, Alex quickly went over to her washing machine and tossed the clothes into the dryer just as Hotch poked his head into the laundry room. "Hey."</p>
    <p>"Hi. Just to let you two know, the food will be here in fifteen minutes. Dave and I have set up the tables in the breakfast room for us, and I'm going up to get JJ. See you soon."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as he disappeared, and then she was stuffing the journal in her bag as she looked at Reid. "I'm going to go sit with Rossi for a little while. You should be able to put those clothes into the dryer before the food arrives."</p>
    <p>"Sounds like a plan, Alex." Reid gave her one of those smiles that hurt her heart to see, as it reminded her a little too much of how she imagined Ethan would smile at her, if he had been born normal, if he had survived to be Reid's age, and she nodded a little before turning on her heel and making her way out of the room. There would be time enough to think about why she felt the way she did when she was back home and able to have some truly alone time. Or when she received another midnight call from Louise, though she didn't know why she was the first person to come to mind, over James and she pushed that thought from her mind as she continued on to the breakfast room, suddenly wanting to be with someone other than her thoughts.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex shook out her shoulders as she stepped out of the elevator, the last one to leave it. From the corner of her eye, she saw Hotch and Erin having a hurried meeting, and she watched as Erin pressed a stack of files into their leader's hands as she continued to talk. There was something almost distressed about the look on Erin's face, but she tried not to let that get to her as she anticipated meeting Garcia and Morgan for the first time. As she approached the bullpen, she could see JJ and Reid talking with a man and woman, who she assumed to be the other two members of their team, and she plastered a neutral look on her face as she heard the woman talk.</p>
    <p>"…but is she nice?"</p>
    <p>Alex did not like the gossipy tone to this Garcia's voice, and so she decided to nip that right in the bud by putting the younger woman in her place. From the way that JJ and Reid were looking at her, she knew that the look on her face had hardened a little, and she squared her shoulders as Garcia said something unintelligible to Morgan before turning around to look at her. "Nice, from the Middle English to mean foolish or stupid. I do hope that you are not meaning to imply that I am foolish or stupid, and are instead using the word in its modern form?"</p>
    <p>Garcia stammered out a reply as Morgan smoothly brushed her aside, and in that moment, she could see exactly what Reid meant about him. He was smooth, in that smarmy way, and she regarded him coolly as she shook his hand. "Derek Morgan. How was Seattle?"</p>
    <p>"He made the Green River Killer look like a saint," she sang out as Hotch slipped past them, a concerned look on his face.</p>
    <p>"Let's get this briefing under way," he called out over his shoulder as Erin followed close at his heels, her face set in a similarly drawn look on her face. Alex straightened her shoulders and followed the others up to the conference room, happy to take up the rear in this case. She took a seat next to Reid, carefully keeping her gaze away from Erin's eyes. It was rather difficult to keep her focus, as she was taking notes and hoping that Erin wouldn't ask her any direct questions. Still, she couldn't help but interject her thoughts on the fact that they were seeing a reemergence of the Silencer when that evidence appeared on the screen, and Erin gave her an almost proud look before Hotch carried on that line of thought.</p>
    <p>Soon enough, the briefing was concluding, and she got to her feet, wanting to get ahead of Reid so that she wouldn't be stopped by Erin, only to hear her name fall from that woman's mouth. "Alex, a moment?"</p>
    <p>She paused and stiffened her spine before turning to look at Erin. "Can I help you?"</p>
    <p>"I just wanted to say that I was sorry that I haven't had the opportunity to speak with you before this. I wanted to reach out before you left for Seattle and tell you how glad I am that you're back."</p>
    <p>"It took a lot of hard work to get here, Erin, as well you know. Now, if there's not anything else, I need to get going to Texas." Erin opened her mouth as if to say something more, but then she nodded, giving Alex that same sad smile that always broke her heart. Before she would allow her resolve to crack and break, Alex turned on her heel once more and strode from the room, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm her spirit in order to start this case fresh and right. JJ gave her a look as she stepped on the elevator with the team, and she shook her head a little as she listened to the chatter around her.</p>
    <p>By the time they landed in Texas, she was in a better headspace, having been able to focus in on the job at hand. Still, Alex felt like her thoughts were divided as they started to work the case and figure out where the Silencer was headed, and it was a struggle to remain in the moment as she went about her day. It was a surprise to get a call from Morgan, since she didn't remember ever giving out her mobile number. "Garcia probably gave it to him. She can hunt down any piece of information, no matter how hard it might be to find. She once hunted down a victim in a case based only on his previous name and location. That's something that I couldn't do, but she knows how to get that stuff."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as they trudged up to their hotel room, suddenly glad that they had washed their clothes before leaving Seattle, since that meant she could just slip into her pyjamas and fall into bed, hopefully to fall right to sleep. "So I need to guard myself carefully around her?" she asked as JJ unlocked the door, letting them inside.</p>
    <p>"She means well, really."</p>
    <p>"That doesn't answer my question."</p>
    <p>JJ sighed as they claimed their usual beds, and Alex dropped her bag onto the mattress before taking a seat on the bed and looking at JJ steadily. A small blush stained her cheeks as she sunk onto her bed, and Alex waited for her to speak once more. "She means well, but she can push boundaries, or blow right past them when she thinks it is in the greater good. I get that you're a private person, and if you explain that to Garcia, she'll understand your reticence to be so open. There have been a few times where she got into trouble for that."</p>
    <p>"That's good to know. Thank you for telling me the truth."</p>
    <p>JJ gave her a small smile as she opened her bag and pulled out her pyjamas. "I'm going to take a shower, since I didn't grab one yesterday. Do you mind?"</p>
    <p>"No, I'll take one after you." JJ nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Alex along in the room. After taking off her boots, Alex stretched out on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. A sick, heavy, feeling filled the pit of her stomach as she considered the fact that she had to contend not only with Erin trying to wheedle her way into her life, but also a busybody who had access to all the information that she wanted to keep to herself. Like Ethan. Shaking her head a little, Alex sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing a little when she tugged a little too hard on the snarls there.</p>
    <p>She bent over and fished her brush out of the bag and began to work out the snarls in her hair, still thinking about what she would do with two people in her work life that she would have to avoid. It was bad enough that trying to avoid Erin seemed to be an impossibility now, though she was trying desperately not to allow that to affect how she was working this case. Alex tossed the brush back into her bag as she picked up her phone and sent off a quick email to James, telling him that she was less than pleased with her new colleagues, and she didn't know if she would be able to work with them well.</p>
    <p>After that was sent, Alex called up the current crossword app that she was working her way through, needing the distraction that it offered her. She had almost finished her third puzzle by the time that JJ exited the bathroom, and she gave the woman a small smile before plugging her phone onto the charger. "Let me guess, Candy Crush?" the younger woman teased, and Alex shook her head.</p>
    <p>"Crossword puzzles. I prefer a pen and paper, but when travelling, the phone will do. I'll see you in a little bit." As she stood, she moved to her bag at the foot of her bed, pulling out pyjamas before dropping the bag on the floor next to the bed.</p>
    <p>"There's not a balcony for you to sit on if your midnight call comes."</p>
    <p>"I noticed that. I suppose that I can take the call in the bathroom, if I get one tonight. I don't particularly relish heading down to the lobby that late at night in my pyjamas." JJ giggled a little as she nodded, and that soft sound actually calmed Alex a little. Though she would never say it to anyone, JJ reminded her of the Erin she had met at the Academy, which was probably why she liked her so much.</p>
    <p>The shower was relaxing as well, and Alex padded back out to the bedroom, unsurprised to see that JJ was already asleep, curled up around her pillow. Before she could stop herself, Alex went over to her bed and pulled the covers up around her shoulders, wanting her to be comfortable while she slept. Yawning widely, Alex slipped beneath the covers and made herself comfortable as she started to fall asleep herself, finding that she was much more tired than anticipated, though she knew that part of that was due to the fact they were on back to back cases and dealing with two time zone changes.</p>
    <p>Just as she was about to completely go under, she heard her phone rumble against the nightstand, and she reached out to answer it as she sat up. "Hello?"</p>
    <p>"Hello, Alex."</p>
    <p>She let out a soft sigh at the sound of Louise's voice, and after slipping out of bed, she grabbed her pillow and the top blanket as she made her way over to the bathroom. "It is so good to hear your voice, Louise. Just give me a moment to get situated in the bathroom. There's no balcony for me to sit on, and while I told JJ that I don't want to sit in the lobby and have people stare at me in my pyjamas, it's more that I don't want anyone to overhear these conversations. I find myself loathe to be that open."</p>
    <p>"I understand," Louise replied as Alex settled down on the floor, sitting on her pillow as she leaned back against the door and covered her legs with the blanket. "Are you comfortable now?"</p>
    <p>"I am. Well, as comfortable as I can be, headed on back to back cases, with new team members that I'm not certain I'll get along with, and dealing with Erin getting into my personal space before we left on this case. It just all feels to be too much?"</p>
    <p>"And that is what these calls are for, Alex. Now, where would you like to start unpacking?"</p>
    <p>There was something a little familiar about that phrasing, and Alex frowned a little as she shifted her position a little. "I suppose with the new members. My other teammates gave me a little bit of a head's up in regards to them, but actually meeting them was a revelation. Derek is a bit of a jackass, but he seems to be trying to charm me, since he doesn't really know me yet. Not that I'll open myself up to him, or the others really, since I tend to privacy. But it's the technical analyst that truly unsettles me."</p>
    <p>"Why?"</p>
    <p>"JJ has told me that she's a digger, and she tries to find out as much information as possible on people and situations. I don't want her to go trawling through my history to find out the secrets that I won't share with the team. They don't need to know about my son in order to trust me with their lives in the field. They don't need to know my history with Erin, because that has no bearing on how I interact with my team."</p>
    <p>"Still no closer to a détente with Erin, then?"</p>
    <p>She shook her head a little as she let out a deep sigh. "I wish that I could say that I'm in a place to be forgiving and kind, but I'm not. She cut my fucking rope when I was the most vulnerable, and I nearly lost everything that I had worked so hard for. I loved her, and she still betrayed me in the worst way possible."</p>
    <p>"That sort of burning brand will continue to hurt your heart as well, Alex. Sometimes, you need to forgive the person in order to move on, not because they want to be forgiven. Just, think on that?"</p>
    <p>Alex sighed as she nodded. "I know that you're right, but I'm not in that head space yet. And it might be easier if Erin would stay out of my space for another few weeks. I know that she won't do that, because she feels desperate to make amends, and I just can't offer her that at the moment." Another sigh escaped her lips as she thought about the case ahead and how she needed to focus on that and not on her issues with Erin or Garcia. "So, do you want to tell me something good that's going on in your life so that I can focus on something positive?"</p>
    <p>"Of course I can, Alex. Just let me know when you need to go to sleep."</p>
    <p>"Okay," she replied as she allowed her shoulders to drop a little in relaxtion, ready to listen to her friendly voice tell her something good.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
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    <p>It was a subdued flight home for Alex, and she was glad that Hotch had taken a seat next to her on the jet in order to keep the others away from her. She was not in the mood for talking to anyone, something that JJ and Hotch seemed to instinctively understand, though it looked like Morgan wanted to engage her in conversation. Sighing a little, Alex turned to gaze out the window of the jet, even though she couldn't see anything in the dark. There was a comfort in the inky color of the night sky that lent a balm to her wounded heart, though a part of her wished that she could call Louise and talk to her about the fact that an unsub she had made a connection with had taken his life in front of her.</p>
    <p>"Not all cases end like that, Alex," Hotch said quietly, and she looked at him, giving him a sad look. "I know, you don't want to talk about it, and I'm not asking you to, I just want you to know that not all unsubs have tragic backstories like he did, you won't have to feel that tug of I should have been quicker, or kinder, or better after every case. Even if this one lingers in your mind. Okay?"</p>
    <p>She gave him a small nod before whispering "Okay," in return before returning to looking out the window. There was a comfort to his words, and she was grateful for the fact that he hadn't forced her to speak, since she wasn't certain that she had words enough to explain just how adrift she felt in that moment. Alex wanted to hear from Louise that evening, but she knew that was highly unlikely, since she had received two calls so quickly. Allowing her shoulders to drop a little, she let out a long sigh as she tightened her hand in the collar of her shirt and hunched over a little in an effort to keep warm, even though she knew the chill she was feeling had nothing to do with the temperature on the plane. Feeling a warm hand on her shoulder, she looked up into JJ's face, seeing that she was giving her a supportive smile as she made her way to the galley. She returned the expression fleetingly before turning to the window again, needing the emptiness to help the feelings swirling around in her head.</p>
    <p>"Do you think that we'll have to head out on another case?" she vaguely heard Morgan say, and she waited for Hotch's answer, hoping that it would be no.</p>
    <p>Instead, Rossi was the one to answer, and she rolled her eyes a little at his flippant reply. "I think that we should just not even head up to the bullpen. If Erin can't see us, she can't ask us to turn around and head out once more. And if we all turn our phones off, she can't reach us!"</p>
    <p>"She'll be able to reach you, Dave," Aaron said so quietly that Alex knew she wasn't supposed to overhear that little quip, so she tried to swallow the quick grin that spread across her lips. "I think that I can get Strauss to agree to let us have one night home in our own beds, after the Seattle case and then this. Some of us have sway with her, after all."</p>
    <p>A little chuckle slipped out of her mouth, and Hotch gave her a small nod before he settled back in his seat once more, checking to make certain his seatbelt was fastened as the jet started its descent. "Is Rossi riding back to Quantico with you?" she asked as she sat up a little straighter in her seat, never comfortable with landings.</p>
    <p>"He is, but you're free to join us. Though I'm sure that JJ wouldn't mind ferrying you back to the bullpen."</p>
    <p>"I know, I just…"</p>
    <p>"Still feel off kilter, and that's okay. Listen, as soon as we return, we're heading home. Okay? We're not going to think about work for an entire night, and we'll come back tomorrow ready to tackle the next case."</p>
    <p>She nodded as the wheels touched down on the tarmac, and the moment they had come to a stop, she stood, ready to follow everyone out into the night. Morgan was the first one off the jet, and she frowned a little at that, until she saw that he was pulling their luggage out of the hold, handing it to them as they passed by. JJ touched her arm to get her attention, and she nodded a little before following her over to her car.</p>
    <p>"So, I really do think that Rossi thinks we're all clueless as to his relationship with Strauss. We're profilers! You can't keep secrets like that hidden from us for too long."</p>
    <p>Alex let out a strained chuckle as she nodded, thinking about her broken relationship with Erin and how she didn't want to be gossip fodder in the office. "I thought profilers weren't supposed to analyse members of their own team?" she asked.</p>
    <p>"Technically, that's true, but we can't help doing it." A weird silence fell over the car as JJ continued the drive back, arriving at the same time as the others. They rode up the elevator together, and Alex tried to take deep, calming, breaths as it came to a stop on the sixth floor, hoping beyond hope that Erin had already headed home for the evening.</p>
    <p>That was not to be, as she could see her familiar blonde head the moment the team entered the bullpen, and she listened to the others groan when they also caught sight of her. "Don't tell me there's another case already," Morgan spat out, and Erin nodded.</p>
    <p>"There's always another case, but…you have to spend at least one night in your own beds, after the cases you've worked recently. Head home and come back refreshed tomorrow."</p>
    <p>"You don't have to tell me twice!" Rossi said as he turned and headed back to the elevators, JJ and Reid close at his heels with murmured thanks on their lips. Which left her alone with the others, and she could feel Erin's eyes on her as she waited for the others to leave.</p>
    <p>"Don't tell me you're staying, Hotch," she said as Morgan disappeared out into the hallway, and he nodded.</p>
    <p>"I just have to start the reports, and then I can head home. Jack's already asleep, and Jessica said she was going to spend the night since we're returning so late. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded to both her and Erin before making his way over to the stairs, and then she was alone with the woman.</p>
    <p>Squaring her shoulders, Alex tilted her head a little as she regarded Erin coolly, waiting for her to say what was on her mind. "I heard that you did well on this case, Alex."</p>
    <p>"Yes, well, I have to prove my worth to the team."</p>
    <p>"You did that when you were given this position." Erin licked her lips a few times as her eyes nervously darted around Alex's form and she steeled herself for the next words from her lips. "Listen, before you left, I was trying to tell you that I am glad you're here."</p>
    <p>"Well, that makes two of us, Erin."</p>
    <p>Erin nodded before taking another deep breath. "I, I also wanted to try and give verbal amends for what happened. While you might not believe this, politics is the part of this job that I like the least, and I never imagined that you would end up in the crossfire during the Amerithrax case."</p>
    <p>She snorted a little as she shook her head. "That's a very politic way to say that you cut my rope, Erin. You left me out to dry, and I nearly lost everything, including my reputation."</p>
    <p>"No, I saw to it that your reputation would remain intact. It was just that someone…"</p>
    <p>"Someone had to take the fall, I know. And now you're trying to assuage your guilt by offering up these amends. I don't need them, Erin. I got here on my own merits, and you can watch from the sidelines."</p>
    <p>Erin gave her a small nod before turning and almost fleeing the bullpen. Alex didn't want to think about the fact that she had seen tears already starting to roll down her cheeks. Moments later, Morgan was striding up to her, a pensive look on his face. "So, you and Strauss? There a history there we should know about?"</p>
    <p>"In another life," she replied shortly before turning and making her way over to her desk, not wanting to interact with anyone else that evening. Her entire day had been shit, and she just wanted to check her work email, type up her report, and head home to sleep. Thankfully, Morgan seemed to get the hint, since he gave her a sharp nod before exiting the bullpen once more. With him gone, Alex buried her face in her hands and took a long breath, holding on to it for a few seconds before letting it out in a deep sigh. In the silence that surrounded her, Alex heard soft footsteps approaching her from behind and she stiffened her shoulders in preparation for whoever wanted her attention.</p>
    <p>Turing her head slightly, Alex found herself looking up into Garcia's drawn face. Taking another long breath, she waited for the younger woman to speak, not wanting to give her the upper hand by breaking first. "Hi."</p>
    <p>"Hello," she replied softly.</p>
    <p>"Can we start over?" Alex pursed her lips a little as she inclined her head a little in agreement. The smile on Penelope's face grew a little as she opened her mouth to speak once more. "My name is Penelope Garcia and I do not do well with change. At all."</p>
    <p>"I don't think that anyone does."</p>
    <p>Garcia shrugged before barreling on. "Yes, well, I think that it's worse for me. I've never been good at it, and losing Emily so recently has thrown me for a loop. That, and being jetlagged. Here."</p>
    <p>The younger woman handed over a coffee tumbler, and Alex picked it up, smiling at the Union Jack that decorated it. "This is nice."</p>
    <p>"Nice, huh?"</p>
    <p>She blushed to realise the verbiage she had just used, and shrugged. "This is kind and thoughtful."</p>
    <p>"Well, I heard that you live in the District, and I know from Reid that that is not an easy commute. Do you drink coffee?"</p>
    <p>"Are you kidding? I drink anything with caffeine."</p>
    <p>This time, Garcia grinned at her. "Perfect! We have a tea of the month club starting next month."</p>
    <p>"Proper tea?" she found herself teasing, and Garcia nodded eagerly.</p>
    <p>"Yes! Do you have a preferred flavor?" she asked as she sank down onto the corner of Alex's desk. For some reason, Alex found herself not as tired as she had felt when she took a seat at her desk, and she took a deep breath as she shook her head. "Good! So, we'll all find out what we like together. I found that I really liked Lady Grey for breakfast when I was in England with Emily. Though she still drinks coffee like it's going out of style in the mornings. And she takes it as black as the soul of Satan. I don't know how she can do that!"</p>
    <p>Alex laughed as she leaned back in her chair. "Let me guess, you are one of those people that drown their coffee in sugar and cream and sprinkles?" Garcia nodded, her grin never wavering. "I guess I'm more like Emily, then. I take a little sugar and a splash of milk in my coffee, but still like it darker than beige."</p>
    <p>"I'll remember that for when I go on a coffee run. Um, how was your first case? Der called me while he was waiting on Reid to finish packing, and he mentioned that you had made a connection with the unsub before he…made his final choice. I, I was with someone in their final moments of life, too, once, and I know that it can be heartbreaking to feel so powerless."</p>
    <p>The empathy in her voice took Alex aback and she took a shaky breath as she nodded. "I was prepared for him to be shot by Morgan. I was prepared to be shot myself, since I had holstered my weapon. I was not prepared for the level of despair I saw in his face, and the peace that was there in that split second before he pulled the trigger. I think that it will take a long time before I can move on fully from that moment."</p>
    <p>"Well, if you ever need an ear to listen to you, I'm here. And I know, Jayje has probably told you that I've made a few slips and told some truths that weren't mine to tell, but I've gotten better at that, I promise. And I don't deep dive into my family. I promise. Even if I did give Derek your mobile number. Though I just pulled that from your personnel file. I'll leave you alone now, since you're probably exhausted, and want to get home." Somehow, Alex wasn't surprised when Garcia reached out and stroked her shoulder tenderly, since she had the feeling that the woman was one of those touchy feely people. Giving her a small nod, Alex turned her attention back to her monitor and logged into her account, wanting to get through her email as quickly as possible, suddenly eager to be home and able to sleep in her own bed.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
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    <p>"Did you want to head out for supper, Alex?"</p>
    <p>She looked up to see JJ standing in front of her desk, a bemused smile on her lips. "Don't you need to get home to your husband?" she asked as she saved what she was working on before turning her full attention on her colleague.</p>
    <p>"Eh, Will needs to spend a little more time with Henry, and we're all getting together. Well, everyone except for Rossi. He tried to beg off that he was too tired, but we all know that only means that he's spending the night with his girlfriend."</p>
    <p>Alex laughed a little as she nodded. "Well, as long as said girlfriend won't be there with us, I think that I would enjoy having supper with everyone." JJ smiled as Alex pushed away from her desk and grabbed her purse, shoving her phone into it before shrugging into her jacket. "Let me guess, we're headed out for Chinese?"</p>
    <p>JJ nodded sheepishly as she walked with Alex over to the elevators. "It's our thing, and it's easiest, given that PG's a vegetarian. There are more options for her there."</p>
    <p>"I still eat chicken sometimes!"</p>
    <p>Alex turned to see Garcia scurrying over towards them, a bright smile on her lips. "Interesting. Since when was chicken a vegetable?"</p>
    <p>"Since dolphin was considered a fish and therefore edible during Lent and not bound by the traditional fasting from meat. You're not the only one who knows obscure facts," she said as she slipped her arm into JJ's. "But it is really difficult to give up sesame chicken, especially when the cravings hit hard. But I am so glad that you're coming with us! Gideon was the one to start bonding suppers when we were home, and it's nice to have them every once in a while. Our new team members sometimes get lost in the shuffle."</p>
    <p>She gave a small nod as they all stepped into the elevator. "So, am I following one of you over to the restaurant?"</p>
    <p>"I was planning on driving Jayje over, so if you want to ride with us, you're more than welcome!"</p>
    <p>"I don't want to inconvenience you, Garcia. Especially since I probably won't stay as late as the rest of you. I do have classes to teach tomorrow, after all."</p>
    <p>"That's right, no rest for the weary," JJ teased as they stepped out of the elevator. "I'll make certain that Garcia drives slowly enough so that you can keep up with us. And if you get lost, well, I'll call and give you directions."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded and they walked over to their cars. After getting behind the wheel, she waited for Garcia to pull out, and then she was following her over to the restaurant. Thankfully, it was actually on her way home, so she figured that she could spend a little extra time with the team before heading on home.</p>
    <p>"I'm glad that you were able to make it tonight."</p>
    <p>She looked up into Hotch's eyes, and nodded a little. "I thought that it would be nice to get to know everyone else a little better on a more neutral space. There's a large difference between work mode and personal mode."</p>
    <p>"That is very true," he replied as he placed his hand on the small of her back without really touching her. She chuckled to herself at the fact that he was a true Southern gentleman, and she nodded a little as they walked into the restaurant together. After they were seated, Alex grabbed her phone and sent off a quick text to James, letting him know that she'd be occupied that evening with her team. "How is your husband doing?"</p>
    <p>"He's well. I wish that his assignment in Gabon would end soon, but I understand his need to be there. It was easier when I was just teaching, since we could carve time for each other on the weekends, but now that I'm doing this as well, it makes things a little more difficult."</p>
    <p>"That was one of the things that Haley hated about the job. But this is in my blood, and it's hard to let it go, knowing that there might be predators that get away if we don't hunt them down."</p>
    <p>She nodded as she picked up her menu, quickly settling on shrimp lo mein that evening. As she waited for their server, Alex took a look around the table, finding herself actually missing Rossi's presence, since he was always good at telling stories. Still, she was going to sit back and listen to what was being said, hoping that she wouldn't be asked to contribute much in the way of conversation. She knew that it would be difficult to keep that delicate balance between saying too much and keeping herself private. She especially did not want to discuss Erin at all, and she was almost certain that Morgan would use this opportunity to get a little more information about their disagreement.</p>
    <p>Still, Alex found herself participating with little pithy anecdotes, combing the recesses of her brain for a few stories about Rossi that she could share with them in order to keep them from getting too close to her. "Are you leaving already?" Garcia asked when she pushed her chair away from the table.</p>
    <p>"Unfortunately, yes. It's an hour drive home, and I still have to prepare some notes for the lessons tomorrow. I'll see you Friday, unless we get called out on a case?"</p>
    <p>The others nodded, and Alex gave a small wave before she left the restaurant. The drive home was a little quicker than anticipated, which she was grateful for, since she truly did have a lot to get through before the next day. After brewing a mug of herbal tea, she went into the living room and got to work on finishing up what she wanted to talk about the next day, drawing in threads of what her TA had already gone over.</p>
    <p>Alex became so lost in what she was doing that she lost track of time, and so was startled when her phone rang. Picking it up, she felt her eyes widen to see that it was already midnight, and she knew that Louise was on the other end of the line. "Oh, thank God you called. I was going out of my skin today," she answered without looking at the display, listening to Louise chuckle. Again, that feeling of familiarity swept over her senses, but she couldn't quite place why she felt that way.</p>
    <p>"Has it been that bad, then?"</p>
    <p>"Well, Erin has left me alone since our little tiff that night the team returned from Seattle, so I suppose that is a spot of good. The team wanted to do some bonding tonight, and I agreed to go with them, since Rossi decided to spend the evening with Erin. It was nice, and I managed to keep them from prying too much into my life by offering up anecdotes of things that happened before they joined the BAU. But I mostly just listened to them talk and unwind."</p>
    <p>"And did you enjoy being included with the group?"</p>
    <p>Alex drew in a deep breath as she made herself more comfortable on the sofa. "I did, strangely enough. Though I think that I'll never really get close to Morgan or Garcia, I'm forming a tentative friendship with JJ. There's something about her that reminds me of the best of Erin, so it's easier to connect to her. That, and she's a mother, too."</p>
    <p>"That does make a difference, yes. So, are you headed out on a case tomorrow?"</p>
    <p>"I don't know yet. I'll be teaching all day at Georgetown, so unless I get a call from Hotch letting me know that I'm needed urgently, I'll be away from the BAU. I love teaching, truly, but I think I'm going to miss being there."</p>
    <p>"That's because you fought so long to get back to that place, it feels wrong to not be there, with your team. But if you're teaching, I should probably let you go. I'm assuming your day starts earlier than when you're at the BAU."</p>
    <p>"Actually, I get to sleep in a little. Thirty minutes might not feel like much, but I'll take whatever I can get."</p>
    <p>Again, Louise chuckled, and this time Alex joined in, feeling a little more at ease for hearing her voice. "I can completely relate to that. There were times when I would use my lunch break to catch up on sleep when one of my children had a rough night. It drove my partner crazy, because she always wanted to discuss what we were currently working on during our lunches."</p>
    <p>"That sounds eerily familiar to my situation with Erin when her eldest was so colicky that she couldn't get a decent night's sleep to save her life. Alan was never any help, since he always tried to say that he needed his rest to be able to be a good attorney. He was such a jackass, that I was actually relieved to hear that they got a divorce. Or at least, I'm assuming that they divorced, since Erin was never one to cheat on her partner. In fact, until she cut my rope, I would have said that she was steadfast and true in all things, so maybe I got that wrong, too."</p>
    <p>There was a brief pause before Louise spoke once more, and Alex frowned a little to hear pain in her voice. "I know that we've discussed Erin and what she did to you before, but from what you've told me of her, I don't believe that she is one to cheat on her romantic partner. That doesn't ring true to me. But then, I've only what you've told me about her to go on, so I could be completely wrong. This will be hard, I completely understand, but try to grant her a little more grace than you currently do. For me?"</p>
    <p>Alex blew out a short breath as she stared up at the ceiling of her living room. "I suppose that I could try, in my heart, to do that. Though that doesn't mean I'll change how I interact with her at work. Just because I might try to let things go for my own benefit does not mean she needs to know that, as I don't want her trying to wheedle her way into my life once more."</p>
    <p>"That is a perfectly valid way to look at things, Alex. How are your classes at Georgetown going? Didn't they just start for the semester?"</p>
    <p>"They did, and I had to do a teleconference for the first session of all three courses I'm teaching this year. That was definitely a learning experience, and one that I hope I don't have to repeat in the future, since I felt like I wasn't in total command of the room. I'm not one of those teachers who has to have strict control, but I do like to make eye contact with my students, to try and get a feel of if they're having struggles, or if I'll need to watch out for them later on down the line. There's so much you can learn in that first meeting, and I feel like I couldn't accomplish that. Hopefully, tomorrow goes well, and I can make those connections."</p>
    <p>"I'm certain that you'll do fine, Alex. You are an intelligent woman and an excellent teacher, at least from what I've heard from James. Try to take into consideration all that you are capable of and let that lead you tomorrow. Now, I really am not going to keep you any longer. You should get up to bed and have a good night's sleep to prepare for everything you'll encounter in the morning. But Alex?"</p>
    <p>"Yes?"</p>
    <p>"I am truly glad that we get to talk like this. I think that it's doing both of us a lot of good." Before Alex could reply, Louise had hung up, and she pulled the phone away to stare at the screen, wondering just what her new friend meant by those cryptic words. Still, she knew that there would be time enough to ask Louise later, when she next called and talked to her.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
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    <p>"I thought that you said that Florida cases were the bad ones?" Alex muttered as she collapsed onto the bed and stared at her feet. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that there were clearly two unsubs at play, since the level of depravity behind the two deaths was so different. She was almost grateful that one of the unsubs had dispatched the victim before dragging him behind the vehicle, since that meant he hadn't experienced the hell that the other victim had.</p>
    <p>"Normally, they are," JJ replied as she plopped down onto her bed, falling back to stare up at the ceiling as she drew in a few deep breaths. "I think that I'm going to update my list."</p>
    <p>"List?" she asked as she flopped back as well, finding comfort in the blankness of the ceiling as she listened to JJ speak.</p>
    <p>"Yeah, my list of ways I don't want to die. Don't you have a list like that?"</p>
    <p>"No, I've never really given it much thought."</p>
    <p>"I have. I thought that drowning would be the worst way to die, since it's like suffocation, but worse. This case, though? Makes me rethink that idea. I cannot begin to imagine a worse way to die than to be dragged behind a moving vehicle, knowing that there is no way to escape and hoping that death comes quickly, even though you know it won't."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded, thinking about what she had seen at the morgue. "Now that I am taking time to think about it, I suppose that that would have to rank as my number one least preferred way to die. I always wanted to die in my sleep, in my old age, like it seems my father will." She took a deep breath, wondering if she should continue that thought or not. A part of her wanted to open up to JJ, to let her know how draining it had been to watch her mother die, but knew that she didn't quite trust the woman enough with that information just yet. It was still such a sore spot on her heart, even thirty years out from her death. "Though being eaten by a shark wouldn't be that bad. Would it?"</p>
    <p>JJ chuckled, and Alex turned over on her side to look at the younger woman. It didn't surprise her to see that JJ had done the same, and she was actually giving Alex a tremulous smile. "Usually, it's Spence that makes me smile after horrible cases like this. Maybe he picked it up from you, since he was your protégé."</p>
    <p>"Perhaps. So, what do you think? Eaten by a shark?"</p>
    <p>"What about falling into lava? That would be quick and painless."</p>
    <p>"No, there's something about a warm death that terrifies me. I've always been put off by fire. Not a phobia or fear, per se, but perhaps the best word would be unnerved?"</p>
    <p>"I get that, yes. Um, I hate to ask this of you, but I would love to talk and decompress with Will. And I do mean decompress. Would you mind taking a shower? For about thirty minutes?"</p>
    <p>Alex blushed a little as it dawned on her what exactly JJ was asking of her, and she nodded sharply as she slipped off the bed, grabbing her phone, a charging bank, and her headphones out of her bag. "I actually think a long bath is in order. It will be nice to listen to some music and relax as I shut out the world." JJ gave her a quick smile as she made her way over to the bathroom, setting her things down on the counter before hurrying back into the bedroom to grab her pyjamas to change into once she was finished bathing.</p>
    <p>She tried to ignore the fact that JJ was already stripping down to her underwear as she turned and fairly ran back into the bathroom, closing the door with a dull thud and resting against it for a moment to catch her breath and try to excise that sight from her brain. Slowly, she stripped off her clothes and folded them on the counter before starting the water running, wanting to get it to the perfect temperature before she sank into it. While that was going on, she queued up an audiobook by one of her favourite narrators and plugged her headphones and the charging bank into her phone, starting the story while she got comfortable in the bath.</p>
    <p>The water was so nice that Alex lost herself in the story, adding warmer water whenever she got a little too cold, until a rather insistent knocking came on the door. Pausing the book, Alex tugged her headphones off and turned to face the door, making certain that the tub covered any important bits of her body before answering. "Yes, JJ?"</p>
    <p>"Are you almost finished? I'd like to take a shower, and you've been in there for like, two hours."</p>
    <p>"Oh, shit, I completely lost track of time. Give me ten minutes to dry off and dress?"</p>
    <p>"All right."</p>
    <p>She listened to JJ move away from the door before she pulled the plug on the drain, allowing the water to empty a little before she stood up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her body as she stepped out onto the rug and quickly dried off before stepping into her pyjama pants and pulled on her top. Her skin was a little damp still, causing her clothes to cling a little to her skin, and she shook her head a little as she brushed her teeth and then pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail before exiting. "Sorry it took so long, I just lost myself in a good book."</p>
    <p>"It happens to the best of us." JJ gave her a little smile as they switched places, and again, Alex tried to ignore the fact that the younger woman was in a state of dishabille as they moved past each other. She knew that she eventually she'd grow accustomed to the fact that JJ was so casual with how much skin she exposed when they were alone, and maybe she'd feel a little freer with her own body, since they were both married, and so showing a little skin didn't matter, truly, in the scheme of things.</p>
    <p>As she set her bag on the floor at the foot of her bed, she pulled out her adaptor, so that she could plug her phone into the socket to charge overnight. Once that task was accomplished, she slipped beneath the covers and tried to calm her mind enough so that she could sleep. It had truly been a long day, and she wanted to forget the sights she had seen alongside Rossi in the coroner's office. Still, a tiny part of her heart wished that she had Louise's number so that she could call her that evening, as she desperately wanted to hear her voice.</p>
    <p>Sighing, Alex turned onto her side and pulled the spare pillow tightly to her chest as she tried to talk her mind into going blank, into thinking of nothing, in an effort to go to sleep. Somehow, she was successful in her endeavors, as she barely heard JJ reenter the room and turn off the lights before she, too, settled into bed. Her sleep was light, though, which was why she heard her phone rumble against the wood of the nightstand as she pulled herself away from the sweet arms of slumber.</p>
    <p>"Louise?" she murmured as quietly as she possibly could as she slipped out of bed, carrying the pillow and blanket with her as she made her way out onto the balcony, collapsing into the chair as she pulled the blanket around her legs and then hugged the pillow to her chest with her spare arms. "Please, tell me that it's you."</p>
    <p>"It is, dear. Who else would call you at this time of night besides James?"</p>
    <p>"I know, I'm just feeling a little…" Before she could get any more words out, to her horror, she burst into soft tears.</p>
    <p>"You're feeling a little sad. Is it the case?" Alex nodded, hoping beyond hope that Louise could hear the motion. "Oh, Alex. Let me comfort you for a little while until you can find the words to tell me why you're so heartbroken."</p>
    <p>"Okay," she whispered brokenly, listening to Louise sigh lightly.</p>
    <p>"So, it was a beautiful day here on the East Coast. The sun shone so brightly, even if the nip of fall is in the air. Though my parents would always tease me that autumn in Quantico is nothing like the autumn's back home in Massachusetts. I spent a little time in my garden, preparing it for the coming winter, and managed to see two cardinals. They'll always be my favorite bird."</p>
    <p>"That's my favorite bird, too. Probably because it was my mom's," she said, her voice not quite so broken in that moment. "How strange that we would both prefer that bird."</p>
    <p>"Not really. It's a fairly common bird to have as a favorite. Now, if we were both to say that the blue footed booby was our favourite bird, then I would call it strange." Alex smothered a giggle, and Louise also let out a small laugh. "I thought that might put a small smile in your heart. Anyway, I decided that this was the year to put out a bird feeder and a heated birdbath, so that I might have visitors even when it's somewhat bleak here."</p>
    <p>"I wish that I was home enough to enjoy having a bird feeder, but between being in the field and teaching, I never get to be home when it's light out."</p>
    <p>"That is one of the drawbacks of your jobs. There's always the weekends?"</p>
    <p>"I suppose. And I could always pay one of the neighbor kids to fill the feeder when I'm away."</p>
    <p>"There you go, always finding a solution to a problem. And you're sounding a little better. Would you like to discuss why you're feeling so off balance?"</p>
    <p>Alex took a deep breath as she hugged the pillow closer once more. "There is something about the idea of being dragged to your death behind a vehicle that unnerves me entirely, and I've let that get beneath my skin. Rossi and I went to the coroner's office to be briefed on what happened, and seeing the state of the bodies…" Her voice broke as she thought about what she had seen. "I'm glad that it was us who went to the morgue, though. JJ shouldn't have to worry about seeing that in person. The pictures were bad enough."</p>
    <p>"You sound protective of Agent Jareau."</p>
    <p>"I am. She reminds me of a slightly more feisty Erin, though I would never tell her as such. I get the feeling that there might be a bit of bad blood between the two of them, and at this point, I'd rather keep the burgeoning relationship with JJ than to upset the delicate balance I have with everyone on the team by suggesting that there is that small connection."</p>
    <p>"Yes, that does make sense. So, do you think that this will be a long case?"</p>
    <p>"I hope not, but I have that feeling that it is going to devolve quickly into chaos. Those feelings are the worst, you know? Impending doom is not a good thing to have hanging around in your brain when you're trying to bring unsubs to justice."</p>
    <p>"Unsubs?"</p>
    <p>"Yes, we think that there are two working together, since there was a stark difference between the one victim was alive and dragged, and the other, mercifully, killed beforehand." She shivered and pulled her legs up onto the chair, even though it wasn't the most comfortable, since she wanted to be warmer. "I just can't imagine that level of cruelty."</p>
    <p>"Humans are amazingly good at being cruel, even in little things. We don't mean to be, oftentimes, but casual cruelty can be quite easy to allow in our lives. And then we sometimes spend decades trying to make amends for those cruelties, even if they're not accepted." Louise took a deep breath before speaking once more. "Now, it's late, for both of us, and you need to rest to be prepared for whatever the morning brings. Sleep well, Alex."</p>
    <p>"You as well, Louise," she replied before ending the call, cradling the phone to her chest as she pondered Louise's last words to her, wondering what she had been thinking about in that moment. And she decided to file it away for asking her about in a later call, when she wasn't quite so tired mentally and physically. Getting to her feet, she went back inside and collapsed on the bed, falling quickly asleep soon after she had plugged her phone back in.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex was unsurprised to be paired up with Rossi again the next day. They had worked well together on previous cases, and yesterday had been a good day for them together. Still, she found herself a bit short tempered, since her sleep had been restless, even after easily falling asleep following her talk with Louise. It was as if, even in her exhaustion, she couldn't get comfortable, and so sleepiness nipped at her heels from the moment she awoke. And so, as she curled up in the passenger seat of their SUV, Alex studied Rossi's profile, finding that she wanted to ask him more about his relationship with Erin, but not knowing where to start.</p>
    <p>"If you look at me any longer, I'm going to be burned on your retinas for all eternity, and what would James have to say about that?"</p>
    <p>She chuckled a little as she turned her head to look out ahead of them. "He would say that I've chosen to allow my head to be turned by someone famous."</p>
    <p>"Oh, so scandalous, Doctor Blake! What are we, stuck in some Regency bodice ripper?" he teased, and she knew that he was trying to make her feel better, as if he could tell that she was still feeling a little off balance.</p>
    <p>"Very funny. I know that my word choice can be a bit odd, but that is part of my character."</p>
    <p>Rossi nodded a little before reaching over and patting her arm affectionately. "I do remember that from your first time with the BAU. Speaking of your return, have you talked to Erin at all since you came back?</p>
    <p>Alex took a long breath as she rolled her eyes a little bit. "Is she pressuring you to talk to me in order to soften me up?" she asked sharply, giving him a deep frown as she turned her focus back to him, waiting to hear what his answer would be.</p>
    <p>"Why would you think that she has any influence with me?" he shot back, a little too quickly, which was very telling, and she chuckled as she rolled her eyes once more. "What?"</p>
    <p>"Well, the first telling thing is that you call her by her first name all the time. With the others, it's either her last name or her title and last name. Secondly, your relationship with her is probably the worst kept secret in the entire department. I'm surprised that you would take the risk of having a relationship with her, since she is technically our superior. Or have the fraternization rules changed that much while I was gone?"</p>
    <p>There was a brief pause before he answered her, and Alex tried not to hum in annoyance as she waited. "The rules have not changed, but we're not in a serious relationship. She doesn't want to jump into something so quickly, after the way that Alan treated her in the months leading up to their divorce."</p>
    <p>Alex shook her head a little as she tried to formulate her next question. "That is not the truth, or the Erin that I know. She would never enter into something casual with anyone."</p>
    <p>"And how would you know that, Alex?"</p>
    <p>She was surprised to hear the sharpness in his tone, and she took a few deep breaths before she looked at him once more, her eyes narrowing so as not to offer him a way to read her, if he happened to glance in her direction. "That is none of your business."</p>
    <p>"Well, Erin seems to think that it is my business, as she's talked about the fact that you were a pair while in the Academy. There are things that she regrets…"</p>
    <p>"That need to be kept between the two of us. Am I clear? Dammit, Dave, we've worked together so well since I've gotten back with the team, and I don't want to lose this dynamic. Please, drop this."</p>
    <p>He sighed heavily, which told Alex that perhaps Erin hadn't been the one to put him up to getting them to reconcile, that he was taking matters into his own hands based out of some loyalty that he felt towards Erin. "Just like we work well together, I want you and Erin to work well together. After all these years as having her as an adversary, we have grown accustomed to having her on our side."</p>
    <p>"I understand that, Rossi, but don't you think that you're doing her great harm by getting into a relationship with her so soon out of rehab? Especially since this was her second stint?"</p>
    <p>If she thought that he had been upset earlier, she was not prepared for what happened next. "That is a low blow, Alex. I wouldn't do anything that would cause her to slip in her progress, and I am so very proud that she's made it nearly a year sober. Just because we're casually sleeping together, finding solace from this godawful job we do, where we see the dregs of society and what they can do to vulnerable people, does not mean that she's just going to chase her feelings down the neck of a bottle if I decide to end this little fling that we're having. I won't have you slandering her name, though. Are we clear?"</p>
    <p>"As crystal, David," she bit out before turning to look out the window at the scenery passing by. Alex didn't want him to see that she was close to tears from the way that he had torn into her, and she knew that she would not be discussing anything that even remotely intimated being about Erin with him in the future. As she watched the scenery once more, Alex blinked back her frustrated tears, and tried to find a way to calm her roiling emotions. Especially because she knew that she was right about Erin. Those things didn't change in a person when they got older, not without serious trauma or health issues. Erin had always been loyal and committed to whatever person she found herself in a physical relationship with.</p>
    <p>Unbidden, her thoughts flew back nearly forty years, to when she and Erin had both been in the Academy together. They hadn't started out with the intent of being a couple, in fact, the sparks that had flown off of them had been more anger than passion, but as they spent more and more time together, that had shifted to something a little more dangerous. "Where's your head, Alex?"</p>
    <p>"In the past. I should never have brought this up while we're on a case. There are too many memories associated with our time at the Academy. But I have to tell you one thing before we close this book and focus on the case entirely. You are wrong about Erin, she doesn't do things casually or by halves, and even though I do not want to reconcile with her, I do not want to accept her amends, but I also don't want to see her hurt or thinking that she might have to rely on something that stole everything from her. All right?"</p>
    <p>He nodded, a strange expression on his face that she didn't know how to read. She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to be concerned with her wellbeing, but knew that it wasn't appropriate for this current moment. This entire conversation had gone off the rails, and the sooner it was over, the better for her. Finally, they arrived at their destination, and Alex was able to push aside her personal issues as she turned her focus onto the case at hand.</p>
    <p>The rest of the day progressed as well as could be for the case they were working on, though she was grateful when after lunch, she and JJ were able to head out together in search of more information. That relief must have shown on her face, because as soon as they younger woman was under way, JJ glanced at her with a pensive set to her face. "Did something happen between you and Rossi this morning?"</p>
    <p>"We had a bit of a disagreement, but I think that we managed to come to an understanding. I just didn't sleep well last night."</p>
    <p>"Well, you were on the phone for nearly an hour, that would make me cranky, too."</p>
    <p>"Did I wake you up? I thought that I had my phone on silent."</p>
    <p>JJ let out a soft chuckle as she nodded. "You did, but your whisper is not quite as quiet as you might think that it is, and the balcony door squeaks. At least there won't be any more midnight calls this case, since your husband seems to only call once while we're out."</p>
    <p>"That is true, I do only get one call per case, usually. And I'm sorry for waking you. I thought that I was being careful."</p>
    <p>"We all have our quirks, Alex, and I just want you to know that it's okay to talk with your support system. That's what I find in Will, after all. Though I do wish that you could convince your husband to call at Quantico midnight, rather than local midnight, since we both need our sleep when we're out in the field."</p>
    <p>"I keep trying to press that issue, but it is a sticking point with Louise."</p>
    <p>"Louise?"</p>
    <p>Alex felt her eyes widen as she realized what she had let slip. "Yes, well, James hasn't been able to call, since he's busy with his job, so he enlisted one of his friends to call and check in with me as I start this new job. And it is easy to talk to her, since I don't really know her."</p>
    <p>"So, she's like a late night therapist. I can see the appeal, since we tend towards honesty the longer a person is awake. I tend to use PG as my sounding board when I feel the need to talk to someone late at night. She knows me, and knows how to talk me down from any ledges I get myself stuck on. Have you been able to meet this Louise?"</p>
    <p>She knew that this would open a can of worms, and she didn't want to reveal too much to JJ, even though they were fast becoming friendly. "No, I haven't, and I don't think that I want to? I am content to just have her voice in my ear, and I feel if I meet Louise, the phone calls will lose that mystique that they have currently, and I won't be able to find that same meeting of the minds if I know who she is, outside these phone calls." Clearing her throat, she turned to look at JJ a little as she threw caution to the wind and decided to trust her a little more. "Though now that we're talking about this, I must confess that there is something vaguely familiar about her voice and speech patterns, and I find myself wondering if I do know her. But there's no one named Louise in our social circles."</p>
    <p>"Maybe you do know her, and she wants to give you that feeling of anonymity and is thus using a middle name, or something?"</p>
    <p>"Maybe," she replied, giving JJ a small smile as she took a deep breath. "Or maybe I'm just reading more into the situation than I should. Is it ridiculous that I look forward to these talks we have?"</p>
    <p>"No, because I look forward to my talks with Penelope and Will. From the sound of things, you don't get close to a lot of people, and I think that I'm probably closer to you than anyone else on the team at the moment, so I hope that you hear what I'm saying? It is okay to have someone special in our lives that we can bare our souls to, and if it is this anonymous voice on the other end of the phone? Well, I'm glad that you have that outlet. You deserve it. Now, much as I hate to bring this little talk to an end, we have arrived, and need to be in business mode. Ready?"</p>
    <p>"Ready," she replied, nodding a little as she straightened her shoulders and prepared for the afternoon ahead.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
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    <p>The team had thankfully drawn the short straw and managed to have a week at home working on custodials and catching up on paperwork, which allowed Alex to teach her classes at Georgetown and have a little time for herself as she tried to work out the puzzle of just who Louise was. Her little chat with JJ had started her mind working in overdrive as she tried to think about just where she might know the woman from. Letting out a sigh, Alex set aside the paper she was grading and stretched out on the sofa in order to try and run through her thoughts.</p>
    <p>As she stared up at the ceiling, Alex found her thoughts turning away from Louise and focusing on the situation between Erin and Rossi. Their sharp words still stung her mind, since she didn't want to be at odds with him, though she had known that his having a relationship with Erin might end up causing more issues than she would like. And that is exactly what had happened. And yet, when she thought about it more in depth, she found that she was less concerned about how things between her and Rossi would turn out, and more about if he would end up hurting Erin. Which didn't make any sense at all, as she was still persona non grata in Alex's world, and Alex wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, maybe until the end of time.</p>
    <p>But as was happening more and more lately, whenever her thoughts turned to Erin, her brain floated up the image of her close to tears that night the team had returned from Texas, when she had opened herself up to Alex in an effort to get her to forgive, and every time her heart ached. She didn't want to think about the reason why her heart might hurt so much at the thought of Erin, because acknowledging that would require a little more emotional honesty than she wanted to work through at the moment. She was still building her relationships with the team, and she didn't want to throw Erin into that mix, even if she was sleeping with Rossi at the moment. And yet, she also knew how much of a battle it was to stave off an addiction, and that there were real issues with people entering into a relationship so soon after attaining sobriety. For all she despised Erin, she didn't want to see her slide back into the arms of alcohol, since no one deserved that. Even if she never spoke to the woman ever again, there were still things that she wouldn't even wish on her worst enemy.</p>
    <p>Shaking her head a little, Alex picked up her phone and looked at the display. It was nearly ten, and the papers would wait until the next evening to finish, as she didn't need to have them finished until Thursday, after all. Sitting up, she slipped off the sofa and cracked her back to work out the kinks that had developed while she had been hunched over grading before making her way upstairs.</p>
    <p>Bypassing the bedroom, she went into the bathroom and stripped off her clothes, dropping them into a pile on the floor before stepping into the shower and turning it on. The cold blast of water at the beginning woke her up a little, and she let out a long breath as she stamped her feet a little to brush off the cold while the water warmed up, until the temperature was right, and then she went about washing her body and hair. Humming beneath her breath, Alex thought about how the next day would go. She and Reid were going to lead a class on forensic linguistics, and she was looking forward to that small pivot from academic teaching to more hands on applications of the major passion of her life.</p>
    <p>"Erin would say that you are looking forward to this too much," she said as she rinsed the soap from her body and then turned the water off. Standing in the shower, she allowed the excess water to drip off her body before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body. Stepping out, she twisted her hair up in another towel to let it dry before she picked up her lotion and worked the crème into her skin to help keep in the moisture. Once that was accomplished, she removed both towels, dropping them in the hamper before scooping up her clothes and sorting the dirty ones into the hamper before picking up her phone and heading into her bedroom.</p>
    <p>Alex tossed the phone onto the bed before hanging up her blouse and trousers. For some reason, her eyes darted over to the full length mirror in the corner of her room, and she looked at her body critically. She had known that the passage of time had affected her body, but these last few months of chasing down unsubs had lent a little extra toning to her body. She chuckled a bit to know that James would appreciate the new lines she had, even as a small part of her brain whispered that Erin had always liked her soft. Shaking her head to quiet that voice, Alex opened her pyjama drawer and pulled out a short nightie before making her way back to the bed as she tugged it on.</p>
    <p>Dropping down onto the bed, Alex reached over and picked up the book she was currently reading, It was an engrossing novel, and she was glad that James had suggested it to her. She had so completely lost herself in the words on the page that she didn't realise that her phone was ringing until it had almost gone to voicemail. "Hello?" she answered a bit breathlessly, not knowing why she sounded like that, since she hadn't done anything more than fish around for her phone.</p>
    <p>"Were you sleeping, Alex?"</p>
    <p>Her face relaxed into a smile as she shoved the bookmark between the pages of her book and dropped it back onto her nightstand as she sat up and rested against the headboard. "No, I was actually in the middle of a book and lost track of time. I should have been finishing up some grading, but I have tomorrow evening to do that, and wanted a little time to myself?"</p>
    <p>"That's perfectly valid. What are you reading?"</p>
    <p>"Don't laugh, because it is so completely out of my wheelhouse, but it's Clive Cussler's <em>Raise the Titanic!</em>. It is completely ridiculous, especially since we know that it is impossible to do just that, after Ballard's discovery of the wreck, but I sort of get the appeal of turning your brain off and just going with what's written on the page."</p>
    <p>"Sometimes that can be the best thing, yes. Are you home this week, then?"</p>
    <p>Alex let out a breathy sigh as she nodded. "Yes. And I'm really glad for it, as it's allowed me to catch up on life at home. Though Reid and I are teaching a class on forensic linguistics tomorrow, and I am looking forward to that a lot. Though the students might regret having me as a teacher, since I tend to be a little…"</p>
    <p>"Driven?"</p>
    <p>"That is one way to put it, yes," she said with a laugh and smiled down into her lap. She knew that she should be prying for more information about Louise, in order to try and figure out why she was familiar to Alex. "But this will just prepare me for classes on Thursday. I've missed my students, and hopefully, I won't have any drama with them like I had with the team. Well, not the whole team, just Rossi."</p>
    <p>"What happened?"</p>
    <p>There was a sharpness to Louise's tone that took Alec by surprise, since she knew that the woman didn't really know Rossi beyond what Alex had said about him. "We were still working that horrible case in California, which is the reason why we're home right now, since Rossi went to Mexico to try and track down the unsubs, so since we're a member down, we drew the short stick of home. Anyway, before I get off on a tangent about that, let me circle back to the issue at hand."</p>
    <p>"I like listening to your voice, so you don't have to feel bad for tangents."</p>
    <p>That was the most personal thing that she had heard Louise utter, and she rubbed her thigh absently as she thought of a way to respond. "I like listening to your voice, too," she finally said before taking a deep breath and continuing on to her tiff with Rossi. "So, Rossi is sleeping with Erin, I think I've told you about that. Anyway, I was asking that he take into consideration the fact that she's not even a year out of rehab yet, and shouldn't really be in a relationship right now. That's one of the tenets of AA, after all, because it is such a volatile time for her. And even though I don't want to reconcile with her, I still don't want to see her hurt. Rossi didn't take too kindly to that, and intimated that things weren't even that serious between them, like it was just a casual friends with benefits thing."</p>
    <p>"And why does this bother you if you don't care for Erin?"</p>
    <p>That was a good question, and she took a few moments to answer. "Because I know that Erin is a steadfast woman in her intimate relationships. She wouldn't just sleep with him as some random hook up, as that's not her style. So that means she most likely is more invested in this relationship than he is, and that's not fair to her. I just, I don't know why I feel so conflicted, because I shouldn't be, but I don't want her to end up hurt."</p>
    <p>"And she's the same age as you, yes?"</p>
    <p>"Yes."</p>
    <p>"Well, then, I should think that she is a fully functional adult who can make her own choices and doesn't need you to police them for her? Being concerned is one thing, but if you're not going to go to her with those concerns, well, then maybe you know that it's really none of your business?"</p>
    <p>Once more, Alex was shocked by how vociferously Louise was reacting, since this didn't seem like a normal reaction for the woman. "I, I didn't think…"</p>
    <p>"It is quite clear that you haven't, Alex. Good night."</p>
    <p>And before she could say anything more, Louise had hung up the phone, leaving the empty sound of a disconnected call in Alex's ear. Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her head to look at the display, almost willing Louise to call her back, so that they could work this out. She didn't know why the woman was so upset, she didn't know why her concern for Erin would be seen as interfering in a situation that she wasn't a part of. Because she was a part of the situation, no matter what Louise might think. Anything that would affect the cohesion of the team was something they all needed to be concerned with, and she didn't understand why her friend didn't realise that.</p>
    <p>Reaching up to touch her cheek, Alex was surprised to find that there were tears wetting the skin there, as she hadn't realized that she had started crying at some point. And since she didn't have a number for Louise, she couldn't call her back to press for the reason why she was so upset. "This is going to be a long night," she muttered as she plugged the phone onto the charger and then scooted down on the bed so as to stare up at the ceiling. "You need to get to sleep so that you can teach well tomorrow, Alex. You can't allow this argument to throw you off your game, because Spencer will ask questions that you don't really want to answer." Taking a few deep breaths, Alex reached for James's pillow and drew it close to her chest as she turned onto her side and curled her body around it. Somehow, though, she knew that it was going to be a long, restless, night.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
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    <p>"If you have something to offer the team, Alex, spit it out. It's better than having you sit there with that look on your face."</p>
    <p>She frowned a little deeper as she looked up from her tablet into Hotch's eyes, seeing that he was giving her an almost disappointed look, and she shrugged a little before motioning for him to continue with what he was saying as she turned her attention back to the tablet. There was something about this case that was bothering her, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. And there was the fact that Erin had gone from trying to be in her personal bubble whenever possible to actively avoiding her at work, to the point where she would turn on her heel and walk in the opposite direction if she saw Alex in the hallway, along with her inability to talk with Louise, since the woman hadn't called back to talk to her since their disastrous disagreement, that added up to everything in her life just irritating her and she wanted to sink into the depths of academia once more, preferably for an entire semester.</p>
    <p>"I don't have a look on my face," she finally snapped, giving him a small glare before turning her attention back to her tablet, trying to ignore the small whispers that started up between JJ and Reid. She knew that she probably should have taken a moment to think about her retort, but she had been so annoyed by his response that she had spoken before thinking.</p>
    <p>"Reid, JJ, Morgan, why don't you join Rossi out there in talking with Lieutenant?"</p>
    <p>There was a small shuffle of feet and papers before the others left the room, and Alex flinched a little as the door closed firmly behind Morgan. She should have expected to receive a quick drubbing from Hotch, but it was still a bit of a surprise. Still, she did the childish thing and kept her face buried in her tablet as he took a seat next to her, and a heavy silence fell over the room as they each waited for the other to speak the first word.</p>
    <p>"All right, I don't like this part of my job, but there is something bothering you, and it is affecting the dynamic of the team. Do I need to send you home, or can we talk about it for a moment to get it out of your system? I know that you're a private person, like myself, but there comes a time when we have to use our words. Usually, I call Dave, since he's my closest friend. I don't know you well enough to know if you have someone like that in your life, but…"</p>
    <p>"I made her mad." Her words came out in a harsh whisper, and she tried not to flinch when he rested his hand atop hers. "We were having a discussion the other night, about some concerns that I have with Erin and her relationship with Rossi, and I think that I said something to hurt my friend, since she hung up on me, and I can't get in touch with her."</p>
    <p>"You don't have her phone number?" he asked as he squeezed her hand a little.</p>
    <p>"You'll laugh at my naiveté, but we've never shared anything more personal than our names. James told one of his friends to continue our tradition of midnight calls when I came back to the BAU, since he knew that our timing would be so far out of sync that we couldn't easily do that. And she's always called me from a private number."</p>
    <p>Hotch's thumb tapped rapidly against her hand, causing Alex to look up into his face. He was giving her a sympathetic, though concerned, look and she took a deep breath as she shrugged a little. "Why would you answer a private number in the first place?"</p>
    <p>"I assumed that it was James, that first call. He often calls from private numbers when he's on assignment with MSF, since he's in situations that are less than safe. And it was nice to have an anonymous voice to talk at, since it's easier to say certain things to someone who doesn't know the situation. But as the weeks have gone by, I've gotten the feeling that I might know Louise outside of our phone relationship."</p>
    <p>He nodded a little as he squeezed her hand once more. "And you're missing her now, because she hasn't called in a few days?"</p>
    <p>"More like a week. I just want to apologize to her and try to figure out where everything went wrong. I know, you don't have to say it, I've let my personal life bleed into the case, and I'll try to do better. I just feel a little off kilter still, since everything is so new."</p>
    <p>Hotch gave her a small smile before patting her hand softly. "I understand that, Alex. Just, try to be a little more open with us, or at least JJ. She's mentioned off hand that she likes you."</p>
    <p>"And I enjoy her company, as well." She returned the smile before straightening her shoulders and taking a deep breath. "Is this your version of a come to Jesus talk?"</p>
    <p>He chuckled as he ruffled his hair a little before nodding. "I don't like yelling. It occurred far too often in my house when I was growing up for me to be comfortable with it, and I learned that sometimes being disappointed with someone can lead to positive results far more quickly than being angry."</p>
    <p>Alex filed that piece of information away in her brain for future reference as she nodded. "All right, I'll try to do better. I promise."</p>
    <p>"Just act a little bit engaged and focus on the task at hand. And maybe this Louise will call this evening, and you can start to build your friendship back again." Before he rose to his feet, Hotch reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder, patting it a few times before leaving the room to gather the others. While he was gone, Alex composed herself and took a few deep breaths, taking Hotch's advice to get her house in order before the others returned and they focused on hunting down this unsub and finding the missing family before anything bad happened to them.</p>
    <p>By the end of the day, she was in a much better headspace, though they returned to the hotel much too close to midnight for her liking, just in case Louise happened to call. "You are wound tighter than drum, Alex," JJ said as she unlocked the door and let them inside their room.</p>
    <p>"Yes, well, I was hoping that I'd get a call from Louise tonight, but we're so close to the appointed hour that I just feel tense." She drifted over to her bed and sagged down onto it, burying her face in one hand as she took a deep breath and tried to resign herself to the fact that she probably would not be hearing from Louise that evening. In the quiet that fell over the room, she heard the quiet sounds of JJ changing into her pyjamas before she went into the bathroom to take care of her evening needs.</p>
    <p>Once Alex was alone, she took off her boots and peeled off her socks, taking care of them before pulling out her nightwear and hurriedly changing, not knowing when JJ might return. After smoothing the shirt down her torso, Alex tugged the hairband out of her ponytail and shook her head before running a brush through her hair and then climbing into bed as she plugged her phone into the charger and stretched out, trying to relax enough to fall into sleep. She had almost gotten to that point when her phone jangled, and she sat up with a start to hear it.</p>
    <p>"Looks like you're going to get that call after all, and at midnight right on the nose."</p>
    <p>"Yeah," she breathed out as she picked up pillow and blanket, making her way over to the balcony. She fumbled with the phone as she answered it and opened the door, letting herself out onto the balcony. "Hello? Louise?"</p>
    <p>"Well, it's not the Queen of Sheba," the woman responded archly, and Alex chuckled as she took a seat on the chair provided, curling up with the blanket close around her as she stared up into the night sky. "I'm sorry that it's been so long since I called. I just needed a little bit of space to cool off before we spoke again. And perhaps it would have been better if I had called, to talk this out before it became too large a stumbling block, but my feelings were hurt and I didn't want to hurt you in return."</p>
    <p>Louise took a deep breath, which allowed Alex to have a way into the conversation. "I'm glad that you did call. I, I didn't quite realise just how much I've come to look forward to talking with you until things were quiet. I'm sorry, I should have been a little more circumspect with my words, as it is clear that something I said dug a knife into a wound in your heart."</p>
    <p>"Yes, unwittingly you did. In the past, I would have laid into you, reacting with anger, but I've been learning to control my feelings over the last year, so I thought that I would try to take time to work through my feelings before I took them out on another person. It seems I can't win for losing."</p>
    <p>"You're calling now, and that's all that matters. Hotch gave me his little 'I'm so disappointed in you' speech today, because I couldn't concentrate, and there's a family that's counting on us to find them. And we have to find them, I don't want to think about another entire family being annihilated at the hands of a sadistic unsub."</p>
    <p>"Family annihilators are the worst, and they're so rare."</p>
    <p>Alex frowned a little at those words, wondering just how Louise would know that little bit of information. And Hotch was right, she did need to know more about the woman she was conversing with, and why she felt so familiar to Alex. "That's right, they are. I'm surprised that someone outside the BAU would know that, though, since they're splashed across the media every time it happens, which makes it sound like it's more common than it is."</p>
    <p>"There are just some things that a person know," Louise answered quickly, which caused Alex to frown. Again, there was that achingly familiar aspect to the woman's voice, but she didn't want to push things too far in that moment, not when she had this chance to talk to Louise and get her feeling out in the open. "Do you think that you'll be there much longer?"</p>
    <p>"I hope not. I don't like this place, it's too close to home, and I know that Scotty will be angry that I didn't at least call him or Dad to let them know that I was around. Not that I would have time to take a break and meet them for lunch and catching up."</p>
    <p>"But they still would like a call, even if it's just you saying that you were thinking of them. They're your family, after all."</p>
    <p>"And they're damn hard to talk to. Mom understood that the written word was always easier for me, that I preferred to think and write out what I had to say so that I didn't make any hasty decisions. Except, when it comes to you, that doesn't seem to be the case. My mouth is always running with just the slightest prodding from you. And that unnerves me because the last person that I shared such an easy connection with is also the woman who betrayed me so deeply."</p>
    <p>"You can't compare every person in your life to the Erin of your past."</p>
    <p>"I know, and I also know that you're going to tell me to give her a second chance, since people can change in the space of a few years, but I still don't feel ready to give up this hurt and anger. I, I don't think I'd know who I am without them."</p>
    <p>"And that is understandable, but you can also create a new person without this anger, too. Perhaps, in time, you can start to build a new version of yourself that leaves that all behind?"</p>
    <p>"Maybe. I'll think about it."</p>
    <p>"That's all anyone can ask, Alex. Now, tell me about your day after Aaron got after you."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she settled in for their chat, and she felt the lingering tension start to bleed from her body as she spoke with her friend.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
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    <p>Alex woke up with a song on her lips, and JJ giggled a little as she reached out to turn off their alarm. "Thank goodness Louise called you last night, as you are in a much better mood today than yesterday."</p>
    <p>"It was a good call, yes. I hope that you didn't stay up until we were finished to make certain that everything was okay. We talked for close to forty minutes."</p>
    <p>"No, I couldn't get settled down for some reason. Though I did notice that you went right to sleep as soon as you were in bed. I wish that sleep came that easily to me."</p>
    <p>She shrugged a little as she got out of bed and picked up clean clothes for the day. "I think that I was too tense this last week, worrying about if I would ever hear from my friend again, and it took a toll on me, physically. Now, though, I feel quite refreshed. Even if my brain wants to now work on the puzzle of just who Louise is."</p>
    <p>"Oh?" JJ asked as she started to dress for the day, heedless of her brief flashes of skin as she focused her attention on Alex. "And you'll need to hurry and dress, remember, Hotch wants to do a brief run through of what we know while we eat breakfast."</p>
    <p>She nodded and began to dress, trying to not be quite so prudish, knowing JJ wasn't paying any attention to her. "Yes, I have the distinct feeling that Louise is not who she seems to be. In my little chat with Hotch yesterday, he brought up the idea that I don't really know all that much about her. And he's right. She's familiar to me, and she knows where we're going to be, enough where she knows exactly when my midnight is. I've never thought to ask James about his friend, because I've just gone with it."</p>
    <p>"You needed someone to listen to, and sometimes that can override our natural inclination to question things. It's not the wisest course of action, I'll grant you that, but it is completely understandable."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she finished dressing, taking a seat on the bed to step into her boots before tying them tightly. "But that still doesn't explain why I feel like I know her. I wish that you could listen in without violating the sanctity of our phone time, but that wouldn't be fair to Louise. At least things are going better today, and I need to push the urge to figure this puzzle out of my mind so that I can focus on the case at hand."</p>
    <p>"You know that it's going to itch the back of your brain until you figure it out," JJ teased as they strapped on their guns before leaving the hotel room. "I mean, I would keep a small portion of my brain working away at it even subconsciously while we are working."</p>
    <p>She laughed quietly as they made their way over to the elevators, joining Rossi there. He gave her a wide smile and she cocked her head to one side as she regarded him carefully, trying to figure out why he was looking at them that way. "You are in a much better mood this morning, Alex. Hotch will be glad to see that, since he was not looking forward to another day of you moping around with a glower on your face."</p>
    <p>Alex drew herself up to her full height as she turned to face him, giving him a withering look as the elevator doors slid open. "I do not know what you're talking about, Dave. I most certainly do not glower," she said before stepping into the elevator.</p>
    <p>"And just now you totally sounded like Erin," he shot back. Alex shook her head and fiercely pressed the button for the lobby and pressed herself into the corner of the car, her good mood rapidly evaporating with his teasing. "Oh come off it, Alex! You two were peas in a pod back in the day, and there are times when I see you come out from her, and this is one of those times where she comes out of you. It's rather nice to see that even after all these years, there are pieces of your friendship still evident in each other. I hope that there are pieces of Jason that still show in me."</p>
    <p>JJ nudged her side a little, and Alex nodded absently as she struggled to find her good mood place once more. It had been so good to hear from Louise last night, after all, and she wanted to hold on to that high as they worked the rest of this case. "Erin is a hard person to completely excise from your life. You end up caring for her more than you would have thought possible. And mirroring is a very common form of bonding with friends. I'm certain that JJ will come out with pieces of Emily at times, too."</p>
    <p>"There is that. But I don't think Emily will ever pick up Jen's love of Cheetos."</p>
    <p>"Hey!" JJ piped out as the elevator doors slid open on the ground floor, and they all stepped out of the car and made their way over to the breakfast nook. The only member missing was Morgan, but Alex was fast growing accustomed to the fact that he liked to sleep in as late as possible when out in the field. "Cheetos are a refined snack that only the very best people enjoy."</p>
    <p>Alex stifled a giggle as she shook her head. "I suppose that I am not one of those very best people, then. I much prefer pretzel rods, because they're clean and I can have my hands free when I'm working on a crossword puzzle."</p>
    <p>"Let me guess, you're like Reid and only do them in pen."</p>
    <p>"Is there any other way to do them?" she asked as they went over to the buffet and filled their plates with food. Not feeling all that hungry, Alex went with a bagel and peanut butter that morning, alongside a large glass of orange juice. After setting that down next to JJ's food, Alex went over to the coffee machine, finding that Hotch and Rossi were already deep in conversation as she approached them.</p>
    <p>She fully expected to hear them discussing the case, since that was usually what they did, so she was unprepared for what she heard. "…Beth's decision. She knew that she had to get up early in the morning, but we still had to touch base before the night was too late. But you and Erin had a very short call last night."</p>
    <p>Rossi shrugged a little as he added a dab of cream to his coffee. "Erin said that she had another call to make, and that we'd talk more tonight. It's not like we talk about anything too important, she just uses me as a sounding board when she gets low. And it's nice to have someone to go home to when the nights are lonely. Even if it's not serious."</p>
    <p>Hotch nodded a little as he finished filling his cup. "That's all well and good, but who exactly was Erin going to call at one o'clock in the morning? She should have been going to sleep."</p>
    <p>Alex felt her entire body turn cold as the connotation of that response filled her senses, and she woodenly filled her coffee mug before drifting back over to their table and taking a seat, trying to understand what she had overheard. The moment she was seated, JJ leaned over and looked into her face. "Is everything all right, Alex? You suddenly look like you've seen a ghost."</p>
    <p>"I feel like I have. I'm sorry if I come off as a little spacy today, just nudge me every so often if it looks like I've zoned out. Please."</p>
    <p>"Of course," JJ replied, giving her a small smile before digging into her breakfast. Alex took a few deep breaths as she spread the peanut butter over her bagel slowly. The others joined them shortly, and a companionable silence fell over the table as they all waited for Morgan to join them so that they could get the informal briefing started.</p>
    <p>"Hey, hey, hey, hope I haven't kept you all waiting," the man in question said with a grin on his lips as he entered the breakfast nook. JJ gave him a look before she went back to her cereal, and Alex once more stifled a giggle at that. It was good to have something to take her mind off the truth that she was rapidly coming to believe, after all. The pieces were falling into place to reveal the picture that Alex had never thought she would see, and she didn't know how to feel.</p>
    <p>Somehow, Alex managed to pay attention throughout the briefing, and appeared with it enough that Hotch didn't call her out on her wandering mind. She was grateful for the fact that she had learned how to compartmentalize early at the Academy, since she knew that the case at hand was more important than her personal life. Still, she desperately wanted to ask Rossi if he knew exactly who had been calling her all along. There might be time enough for that on the jet home, when they could perhaps find a private moment for her to question him.</p>
    <p>"All right, Blake, I want you and JJ to head out to the nanny's house and question her about what she might know about this family and if there's anyone she can think of that would want to do them harm. We'll regroup at the precinct at noon. Let's head out."</p>
    <p>She nodded as they got to their feet and cleaned off the table before heading outside to the SUVs. "Do you want to drive, Alex?" JJ asked as they approached one of the vehicles.</p>
    <p>"Would you?" JJ nodded and got behind the wheel as Alex pulled herself into the passenger seat, trying to come up with a list of questions to ask the nanny. There were quite a few that she knew that should be asked, but time was of the essence, and so she'd have to narrow them down to the fewest, most pertinent ones. It was only once they were underway that she realized JJ kept glancing at her, a look of concern on her face. "What?"</p>
    <p>"We can focus on the details of the case in a few moments, I just need to hear from your lips that everything is all right. You were in such a good mood this morning, and even though you were prickly with Rossi in the elevator, I know that you weren't upset, per se. So why has that suddenly changed? If you get it out of your system, then you can focus on the case all the better."</p>
    <p>"I have to have your word that you won't tell anyone else this, Jen."</p>
    <p>"If you're using my name, it must be really important, so of course."</p>
    <p>Alex took a deep breath as she turned her head to look out the window. "I think that I know why Louise has sounded familiar from the outset of our calls. And I don't know how I feel about my supposition."</p>
    <p>"All right, so who do you think that she is?"</p>
    <p>"Based on what Hotch and Rossi were talking about at the coffee machine? I'm about ninety five percent certain that my midnight caller is Erin. She would know exactly where we are at any given moment and then would know what time to call me. It makes sense that she was upset when I called out the way I feel Rossi treats her. But I wish that I knew for certain. I just, I cannot believe that I told her some of the things that I did. I was so open to her as Louise when I am still so angry with her as Erin."</p>
    <p>Letting out a deep breath, she turned to look at JJ, hoping to see that she understood her very muddled thoughts. "I can see where that would be something you would find unsettling, yes. We'll talk more on the jet home, because you need to unpack it a little before you say or do something rash. And if Louise happens to call again tonight, you'll have to act like you know nothing, otherwise things could go disastrously, and we don't want that to happen."</p>
    <p>She nodded as she sighed once more. "All right, sounds like a plan. And hopefully, now that it's out in the world, I'll find my focus to finish this case well and then dwell on what's happening when it's the right time." Smiling, JJ nodded as she stepped on the accelerator a little heavier, and Alex went back to paring down the questions that she wanted to ask the nanny, in order to get the information that they needed.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
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    <p>Despite her best intentions, there hadn't been an opportunity to catch Erin alone and call her out on lying to Alex before they had left on another case, and she didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Alex badly wanted to confront her former friend, to find out what she was playing at, since there didn't seem to be a reason for Erin to play games like this. Nor did it seem right for her to ignore what she knew in order to have a voice to vent to in the night, since she couldn't talk to her husband.</p>
    <p>This case in Texas had definitely impeded that confrontation, and it was then that Alex knew Penelope was right about Texas cases being almost as bad as Florida cases. There was something so horrifying about an unsub trying to play at being Victor Frankenstein, and this was definitely a time where she would want to speak to James, since he would understand more about why it was so awful. It went beyond the obvious fact that someone was destroying two people's lives at once and into true body horror. "Alex?"</p>
    <p>She turned her head to look at Hotch, giving him a small smile as she pushed away from the table and got to her feet, cracking her back as she shook her head. "Sorry, I was just thinking about how horrifyingly interesting James would find this case. I wish that I could send him the information, but I know that is an impossibility. He would understand, better than the others, about why I'm so unsettled by this."</p>
    <p>Her supervisor nodded as they looked at the white board where all their information was collated. "I forget that you're married to a doctor at times, and so know a little more about cases like this. Do you think that there's anything that he might be able to offer us, in terms of finding us an in that we don't currently have?"</p>
    <p>"I don't think so, Hotch. He would have to be here to examine the bodies, and I know that he can't get away from his duties in Gabon. I wish that we had the technology available to instantly teleport him here and back again, but until that happens, I'm the best that you have."</p>
    <p>"And what a good best that is." He gave her one of those rare smiles he doled out at just the right moment. She returned the expression, feeling her cheeks pinken a little with a blush as she ducked her head and took a deep breath. There was still a sense of happiness that came with someone recognizing her worth as a person, not just how pretty she looked. "All right, I don't think that we're going to get much more accomplished this evening. Let's head back to the hotel and get settled in for the night. I'll send a quick text to the others, letting them know the plan."</p>
    <p>"All right, Hotch." Alex slipped on her jacket before grabbing her bag and following Hotch from their temporary office, turning off the lights before closing the door. "Do you want me to drive?"</p>
    <p>"No, I will."</p>
    <p>She chuckled a little as she shook her head, somehow knowing that that would be his answer. Still, it was nice to have him driving, since that meant she could focus on thinking about what this case was all about. It still creeped her out to see bodies mutilated in that fashion, and she shuddered a little as she took a seat in the passenger side of the SUV. "I hope that I've been a little more focused these past few days."</p>
    <p>"You have, yes. I take it that you and Louise have made up?"</p>
    <p>Alex gave him a little nod as she pulled out her phone and checked her notifications. There wasn't anything important to see, and she put the device back in her pocket so that she could have a decent conversation with Hotch. "We have, yes, but I am still trying to figure out why she feels so familiar to me. I keep trying to ask personal questions, but Louise is very good at turning the conversation back around on me."</p>
    <p>"That almost sounds like she's a profiler herself," he replied, arching an eyebrow at her as he pulled out into traffic. "Do you think that it could be someone you once worked with?"</p>
    <p>She shrugged as she rubbed her upper chest absently. "The only other woman I worked with was Erin, and I would think that she would know enough not to circumvent my wishes by calling me under an assumed name?" Alex hated lying to Hotch, knowing that he did not like liars, but since she wasn't certain that it really was Erin calling her all the time, she supposed that it wasn't truly a lie, just a small admission of the truth. "Unless you think that it could be her?"</p>
    <p>"I think that Dave would tell me if that were so. He knows Erin much more intimately than any of us do."</p>
    <p>Alex let out a sigh as she nodded, happy that there wasn't really any hint that Erin was her midnight caller. "If it did turn out to be her, and you were me, would you be angry with the deception? I know that you don't like liars, but what about if it's for what could be considered the greater good?"</p>
    <p>"I would still be upset with her, Alex. I haven't told the others what happened between you and Erin, since I want to keep some semblance of harmony between us and her, but what happened to you was horrific."</p>
    <p>"She's tried to make amends, I just haven't been in the right headspace to think about taking hold of that olive branch." Alex broke off before she revealed something a little more personal about the relationship between her and Erin, even though she was certain he had heard the rumors of what happened between them. It had been the best office gossip fodder for months until the Amerithrax debacle.</p>
    <p>When they arrived at the hotel, she smiled to see JJ in a deep conversation with Reid. Their friendship was one of the best things about the team, in Alex's opinion, since they were the youngest and needed to find comradery somewhere. "Well, whatever choice you make, we'll support you, Alex. That's what a team does."</p>
    <p>Alex smiled as she got out of the vehicle and hurried inside the hotel, shivering a little, even though it was Texas and should have been warmer even in the fall. "That didn't take you guys too long," she said as she joined JJ and Reid at the elevator bank.</p>
    <p>"We were headed back to the precinct anyway, so it was easy enough to just head here. I don't know where Rossi and Morgan are, though."</p>
    <p>"Maybe they stopped for food?" Reid asked as they stepped onto the elevator. "I mean, we took time for a quick meal, but maybe they didn't have time to do that."</p>
    <p>"Maybe," JJ replied, pressing the button for their floor. "What about you, Alex? Did you and Hotch get something to eat?"</p>
    <p>She nodded as she leaned against the back of the elevator. "We did. And I wouldn't eat this late, anyway. It's nearly eleven!"</p>
    <p>"Morgan will eat any time and anywhere," Reid quickly replied as he cracked his back. "He always says that he has to stay in fighting shape, and so eating all the time is what he needs to do."</p>
    <p>"Again, that does not surprise me in the least," Alex said as the door opened on their floor. "We'll see you in the morning, Reid?"</p>
    <p>"If there's not a break in the case."</p>
    <p>She nodded and followed JJ down the hall to their room, stepping inside after her and locking the door once inside. "Do you want to shower first, Alex? I know that it's closer to midnight than not."</p>
    <p>"That would be wonderful, thank you." She gave the younger woman a small smile before rummaging through her bag for pyjamas and her toiletries kit and heading into the bathroom. It didn't take long to strip down, and after everything was piled on the sink, she stepped into the shower and turned the water on, shivering beneath the cold stream as she waited for it to warm up. Once the temperature was a little more comfortable, Alex washed her hair and body, ruminating over what she and Aaron had talked about. He was correct, she was upset with the fact that Erin had circumvented her boundaries to get close to her once more, but there was still something wonderful about this contact with her. It had been so nice to unload on someone who was a cipher, but knowing that it was Erin behind everything also felt right. Though she wasn't about to let Erin know that right away.</p>
    <p>Letting out a deep sigh, Alex rinsed her body before turning off the water and stepping onto the floor, wrapping a large towel around her body. It didn't take long for her to dry off, and then she was pulling on her pyjamas before tying back her hair and padding back into the outer room. "Finished already?"</p>
    <p>"I feel like I was in there for an hour," she replied as she went to her bed and slumped down on it. "This case is just so creepy, that I feel like I just want to sleep away the memories of it."</p>
    <p>"I feel the same way. Hopefully, we can figure out what is going on before more people are hurt. I'm going to go try and wash away the memories of today."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded absently as the woman went into the bathroom, and once the door was closed, she picked up her phone and began to go through her emails, answering what she could in that moment, starring the ones she'd have to answer later, when they were home. She was just hitting send on the last one when her phone began to vibrate in her hand, and she knew that it was Erin calling. "Good evening," she answered, hoping that Erin wouldn't hear the slight touch of frost in her voice. "Please give me a moment to grab a blanket before heading out onto the balcony. It's rather cold tonight, and my hair is still wet."</p>
    <p>"Take your time, Alex."</p>
    <p>She cleared her throat as she slipped off the bed, bundling up the comforter in her arms before trundling over to the balcony door and letting herself outside. After curling up in the chair, she brought the phone to her ear. "All right, I'm back. This case is going to be one of those ones that stick with me, I can just feel it."</p>
    <p>"Do you want to talk about it or listen to me prattle on tonight? You always ask that I say more about myself, after all."</p>
    <p>"It might be nice to hear more about yourself, Louise. Maybe you could tell me a little more about your favorite vacation?"</p>
    <p>Alex had deliberately chosen that topic, since she wondered if Erin would tell her about the time that they went to Niagara Falls, since she knew that had been one of her favorite experiences. "When I was young, my best friend and I went north to Niagara Falls during spring break. She knew that I needed the time away from the pressures of school, and remembered that I had mentioned always wanting to see them. It was cold for April, but that just allowed me to stick close to her side. I worshipped the ground she walked on, because she was always so cool and calm. I tried to learn that from her, but I think I went a little too far in the cool department and ended up in icy cold territory. But for that week, we explored the town and had those deep conversations that you can only have when you're young and idealistic."</p>
    <p>She was surprised to find a giant lump growing in her throat at the wistful tone in Erin's voice. Alex struggled to find the anger in her heart at what Erin had done to her so long ago, as she wasn't ready to let that go. The tug on her heartstrings, though, told her that her heart was starting to thaw towards Erin. "Those can be the best conversations, as they stay in your memory for years to come. What else about that trip was good for you?"</p>
    <p>Erin launched into her story and Alex found herself relaxing as she listened to Erin's version of their vacation, and why she had loved it so much, though she was surprised to hear that the woman conveniently skirted around the fact that they had shared a bed that entire week, and had finally become physical the night before they had gone back to Quantico. "And now you're yawning so deeply, you must be exhausted. I'll let you go so that you can sleep, Alex. Have a good evening, and sleep well."</p>
    <p>Before she could stop her words, Alex responded, "You as well, Erin." They both gasped in unison, and Alex hung up before the woman could say anything else to her, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that she had just burst the bubble on their little ruse and knowing that it would be that much more difficult to concentrate on an already brutal case with the fact that the truth was now in the ether, and she didn't know how Erin and she would move on from here.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
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    <p>In the time between when the team had landed in Quantico and when they took off again for their latest case, Alex had been quite conspicuous in avoiding Erin at all costs. That was made easier by the fact that they had only one day in the office, since they had returned from Texas on a Thursday. Still, she felt jumpy and uneasy, as if Erin would pop out of the woodwork at any moment in order to ambush her and suddenly feel like they had made up because Alex had been stupid enough to let Erin know that she had recognized her on that last call. Even Aaron seemed to know that something was off with her, as the moment that they had finished briefing the case, he pulled her aside and brought her into the galley for a little chat.</p>
    <p>"Do you want any coffee?" he asked as he began to brew himself a cup, and she shook her head as she leaned against the other side of the cramped space. "So, I think you probably know why I've pulled you in here. I wanted to do it before we left on this case, but time got away from me. Are you having more issues with your midnight caller? Jen mentioned that you seemed a little stressed after your call while we were down in Texas."</p>
    <p>She gave him a small shrug as she looked down at her shoes. "I want to say no, everything is fine, but you're good at calling us all out on our bullshit. I did find out something a bit distressing about my caller, but it's something that I would like to keep to myself until I can get a few more answers from her. I promise that it won't affect my job performance, but I know that you'll be able to keep me on my toes, if I should slip."</p>
    <p>"That I will, Alex. And you are free to come talk to me at any time. That's what a good Unit Chief does, listen and lead."</p>
    <p>Alex looked up at him and smiled as she nodded. "I may take you up on that offer, if I find that my predicament becomes a little more than I can bear. Though you might already know why I'm reticent to speak too much about this caller of mine."</p>
    <p>"I think that I've been gaining an inkling, yes. And I will reiterate that the team will have your back no matter what the outcome of this all is. We've had to stick together, and we've become a family as a result. I know that you've had a bit of a hard time fitting in with us all, but you're still a part of that family." He reached out and gave her shoulder an affectionate pat before turning back to his coffee, which she assumed meant she was free to join the others once more. Heading back to the seat she'd left, Alex picked up the file of information and began to look through it once more.</p>
    <p>"This is going to be a weird case," Reid said without looking up from his own file, and Alex raised her eyebrows for a moment as she set her folder down to look at him.</p>
    <p>"What makes you say that?"</p>
    <p>"The kid thinks that it will be another hippy dippy case, Blake."</p>
    <p>She turned to look at Derek, seeing that he was giving her that slightly smarmy grin he always seemed to wear when he was about to say something that might be a little controversial. Still, Alex rose to the bait by taking a deep breath before asking, "And why would that be, Derek?"</p>
    <p>"Because we're in the land of crunchy granola people, and we all know the freaky things those types can get up to."</p>
    <p>Hotch cleared his throat as he walked past them to take a seat next to Dave, and Alex gave him a small nod before picking up the file and glancing it over once more. "You do realise that that says more about you than it does about the people that we're going to Oregon to find and protect. Are you certain that this is the time and place to air opinions like that?" she asked coolly, never lifting her eyes from the words on the page in an effort to let him know that she was not impressed with the casual bigotry he was putting on clear display.</p>
    <p>There was a long silence before Derek finally responded. "No, I guess that you're right."</p>
    <p>Though his tone was petulant, Alex knew that she would take the win for what it was worth. The rest of the flight was quiet as they studied the material on the case, and Alex was glad for that. She knew that Derek would be more standoffish towards her once more, but she found that she didn't really mind, though she hoped that Aaron wouldn't expect them to work together during the case. Though if what she remembered about Rossi was still true, he would probably put a bug in his ear to make certain that they did, since that would help promote harmony in the team.</p>
    <p>They hit the ground running, and Alex found herself pouring everything into the case, not sparing a thought for her Erin dilemma until they were riding back to the hotel, not anywhere close to catching this unsub. JJ had joined her in the back of the SUV that Hotch was driving, leaving Reid and Morgan to drive the other one back to the hotel. "Hey, everything all right?" the woman asked, and Alex met Aaron's eye in the rearview mirror as she nodded.</p>
    <p>"Yes, I'm just a little frustrated at the fact that we kept hitting dead ends today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day." JJ nodded and gave her a little smile before looking out the window, which allowed Alex to shrink into herself once more. She wondered when Erin would call her on this case, since she knew that it would be inevitable that she called. Still, as she took stock of the last few months she had been with the team, she knew that those calls from 'Louise' had helped to settle her and work out her feelings about returning to the BAU after such a long absence. A part of her wanted to keep up that pretense, since that allowed her a buffer between the real world conflict she was having with Erin, and the imaginary world that she had created with her alter ego.</p>
    <p>Trudging up to their hotel room, Alex felt like she wanted to hear from Erin sooner rather than later, but that was still hours away. Turning to JJ as soon as they were in the room, she gave her a tired smile as she sank down onto her bed. "You look exhausted."</p>
    <p>"I feel that way. I'm going to just head to sleep now, and if my call comes, hopefully, I wake up in time to answer."</p>
    <p>"Hold your phone in your hand beneath your pillow. The rumble of it in your hand combined with the vibrations that come up through the pillow will wake you quick enough. Believe me, it's a trick I used many a time when Henry was colicky."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded as she took off her boots. "That is a good trick to try. Ugh, I don't even know if I have enough energy to change."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded, a soft smile on her lips. "Well, nap now until your call comes through, and then change into pyjamas. Make certain you take your bra off, though, because those are a bitch to sleep in."</p>
    <p>Alex chuckled a little as she nodded, contorting her body to slip out of her bra without undoing all of her clothing before she stretched out on top of the covers, her hand clutching her phone as she allowed herself to drift off to sleep, hoping that Erin would either call that evening, or not call at all. She didn't feel like she wanted to drag this on for very long, she just wanted to get that case's call over and done with. She was asleep in minutes, though it was a light sleep, and she felt like she could hear every noise in the room going on around her, until some time later her phone began to vibrate in her hand before the ringtone began to play. Hurriedly, she answered, mumbling tiredly, "Hang on, I'm just waking up. It was a long day."</p>
    <p>Not listening for Erin's reply, she sat up and looked over at JJ, seeing that the woman was fast asleep, and decided to try and carry on their conversation indoors, as she really didn't feel like moving at the moment. Scooting backwards, she rested her back against the headboard and slipped her feet beneath the covers to keep them warm as she talked with the woman. "Are we good now?"</p>
    <p>"It all depends on our definition of the word good, Louise."</p>
    <p>There was a short pause before Erin began to speak once more, and Alex used the pause to grab the other pillow and hug it against her chest with her free hand. "Alex, I, I'm sorry. I should have ended this charade weeks ago, and let you know that I was the one calling you. I just, I didn't want to give up this friendly connection that we had made. I, I can just hang up and we can pretend this never…"</p>
    <p>"No, Louise. Tell me about your day, tell me something you did that made you smile."</p>
    <p>"Alex…"</p>
    <p>"Yes, Louise. That is exactly what I want to hear." Alex hoped that her insistence on using the name Erin had chosen for this little ruse would tell her that it was a ruse they were going to continue with, if she wanted this fragile friendship to continue. And Alex found that she did want this relationship to go forward, since it had been so nice getting to talk to someone who was an open ear. "Louise?"</p>
    <p>"So, we're going to play this ruse out to the end?"</p>
    <p>"Yes. It's what I want, because I really like Louise, even if I'm still upset with Erin. It is a distinction that I have to keep for the time being."</p>
    <p>"All right, I can live with that." Erin sniffed delicately, which told Alex that she had started to cry a little, and she let out a long, quiet, breath, trying not to wake JJ. "Something that made me smile today was I got to watch my middle child's indoor soccer game, which meant I was able to see him score two goals. After the game, he treated me to dinner, since my partner is currently away on business. I miss him, but I have the feeling that we might not be together much longer. But I don't want to have a depressing conversation tonight, since we've already been a little testy with each other, and I want to try and keep things light. Was there anything that made you smile today? Despite the horridness of the case?"</p>
    <p>"You're going to think this extremely petty, but I managed to put a coworker in his place while on the plane ride here. He made a crass statement about the type of people that live here in Oregon and I replied and let him know that I didn't appreciate the stereotyping that he was doing."</p>
    <p>"Agent Morgan can truly toe the line of good taste," Erin muttered, and Alex tried to choke back her giggle, knowing that she could potentially wake JJ, but failed. "I'm sorry, I don't know him, do I?"</p>
    <p>"Louise is not supposed to know him, no. Since I haven't told James about him to this extent. But it feels good to know that I'm not alone in my frustration, even though we're still not to a real place of reconciliation yet."</p>
    <p>Alex didn't know why she had added that modifier to that statement, but it felt right in that moment. "Well, Louise is hopeful that there can be a place of reconciliation that happens at some point, when we're both ready for that to occur. But if you're this tired, I should really let you get some sleep."</p>
    <p>"It's three in the morning in Quantico. You have to be exhausted as well, Lou."</p>
    <p>"I took a nap before I called you. And it will be easy enough to fall back asleep when we're done talking. But you need to be fresh for you case tomorrow, so I'm going to let you go. Sleep well, Lexie." There was a slight catch in Erin's breath, as if she wanted to say something else but thought better of it before she disconnected the call, leaving Alex to stare at her phone in slight annoyance.</p>
    <p>"You, too, Erin," she muttered before plugging her phone into the charger and stretching out in the bed, still hugging the pillow close to her chest as she easily drifted off to sleep once more, still thinking about Erin and where they might go from here.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
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    <p>Another Florida case had popped up on their radar, and while it wasn't quite a creepy as what had happened in Oregon, it was still a weird case. Alex was glad that they were staying in the same time zone, since that meant her call with Erin would be at a decent time for them both, as she had truly felt things start to shift in her heart with regards to her friend. And she couldn't help but notice that she was starting to think of Erin as her friend once more, not even calling her Louise in her mind when she thought about their calls.</p>
    <p>"Florida cases are the worst," JJ said as they pulled into the Chinese food place that Garcia had sourced for them when they had called it a day at the precinct. "I know that this isn't as bad as some of the other ones we've gone through since you joined the team, but I can't help but feel that it is probably going to get worse, just because of what state we're in. I hate stereotyping an entire geographic area, but it seems like the cases here are horrible from the get go or they just go south quickly. I don't think I ever told you about the time we were down here with Strauss, did I?"</p>
    <p>Alex shook her head as JJ parked, and the younger woman gave her a wry smile as they got out and headed into the restaurant. There was a bit of a queue, which meant that she would perhaps get the story before they ordered their food, and that made her somewhat happy. "What happened?"</p>
    <p>"We were investigating a death at a military school, and it was so abusive. The Director was the one who ordered us down there, and he sent Strauss along to be the political heavy, to try and open the doors that he assumed would just be slammed in Hotch's face. I mean, she is <em>very</em> good at playing the political game and getting her way. But this was a Florida case, through and through, and we didn't realise at the time that she was battling her own demons that were clouding her judgment. It was so bad, and I have no idea how we all held it together when we realized that some of the children were hazed by being shoved into industrial strength washers. And, as I look back at everything, I don't blame Strauss for drinking on that case. Yes, I know it was part of her disease, as she explained to me and Emily as she made amends to us, but it brought out a fire in her that was fiercely protective of those children. For all her faults, it is so obvious that she loves children and would do anything to protect them."</p>
    <p>Alex nodded absently, thinking about how Erin had always taken time to ask after Ethan. And a part of her wanted to reveal to JJ that she had once had a son, but still, it didn't feel like the right time. "That is true," she finally replied as they stepped up to the counter, quickly placing their orders and paying before taking a seat at an open table. "Erin was always protective of those who couldn't really defend themselves. It is truly her best quality." For the first time in close to two decades, Alex found herself easily saying kind words about Erin, and she knew that it was a direct result of the conversations that she had been having with the woman late at night. The honest conversations that they had, despite the slight deception of who Alex had been talking to, had led to this softening of her anger. And she found that she didn't quite mind losing that ire, since it was truly a weight off her soul.</p>
    <p>"What was she like, back when you worked with her the first time? You haven't really told us a lot about that time, which is understandable. But I have this burning need to know more."</p>
    <p>Alex chuckled at the gossipy sound of JJ's voice, shaking her head a little as their food was delivered to the table. "Erin has always been driven and felt the need to get ahead in life. I think that stemmed from her father's desire to see her be the best. He wanted her to become a lawyer and then move up the ladder into real politics. He had her down as being the first female president, but she took a different path and decided to get into psychology, and from there, went into the Academy."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded eagerly, clearly loving all that was being revealed, and Alex felt free enough to give her a little more information their time together at the Academy, since those were easy memories to discuss. By the time they headed back to the hotel, Alex was surprised to find just how much she had opened up to the younger woman, since she hadn't expected to feel so close to anyone on the team, after being burned by Erin. "Thanks for opening up to me, Alex. I know that you're more private than Emily is, so I appreciate getting to know you and Erin a little more tonight. And I hope this isn't too forward of me, but I really hope that there comes a time when you can find that closeness once more. I think about my friendship with Emily, and it feels to me like we're as close as you and Erin were, and I just, I want you to find that closeness once more. Because she's your best friend, and you should, I don't know, always try to make up with your friends?"</p>
    <p>Alex shrugged a little as they entered the hotel, making their way over to the elevators. "I think that things are starting to thaw a little between us, though I'm not quite ready to let her know that. I have to do things on my own timeline, otherwise it won't be an honest reconciliation."</p>
    <p>JJ nodded and they rode up to their room, and Alex decided to turn their conversation back to the case, since that was an easier discussion to have. By the time they reached their room, Alex felt a little more relaxed, a small part of her hoping that Erin would call that evening, since she hadn't called their first day on the case. "I'm going to take a shower now, if you don't mind. There's no reason for me to call home tonight, since Henry is already asleep."</p>
    <p>"Is he sick?"</p>
    <p>"Will thinks he has a stomach bug," JJ said with a small nod as she unlocked their door and let them inside. "And if you want to stay inside and talk to Louise, if she calls, feel free to do so. I know that it's Florida, but it's still supposed to get cold this evening. I'll just pop my headphones on to sleep, in order to give you some privacy."</p>
    <p>"Thank you," Alex replied as she watched JJ rummage through her bag to grab out nightclothes and toiletries before she went into the bathroom. It was a little funny how quickly Alex had become accustomed to how little JJ wore to bed, now not blinking an eye at the skimpiness of her attire. A part of her knew that was because she was so much more comfortable with the woman as a friend, and she was glad that she hadn't made a big deal about it earlier, as it would have just made JJ uncomfortable in her own skin. That wouldn't have been fair to her, after all, and it would have made her integration with the team that much more difficult.</p>
    <p>As soon as she heard the water of the shower, Alex stepped over to her bag and dug out her pyjamas and hurriedly changed before bringing her phone and book over to her bed and curling up beneath the covers. It was easy enough to lose herself in the latest work by Chomsky, and she knew that she gave JJ a distracted answer before the woman crawled into her own bed. Still, Alex read on until she was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, and she quickly replaced the bookmark before answering. "Good evening, Louise."</p>
    <p>"Good evening, Alex. I, would you mind if I addressed you as Erin tonight? You can still think of me as Louise, but I have things to talk about that are a little more serious than keeping things frothy and light, like I usually do. If that makes you uncomfortable, you can end the call now. I know that things are still so nebulous between us…"</p>
    <p>"It's fine, Erin. What's wrong?"</p>
    <p>The woman let out a long breath, and Alex used the moment to make herself more comfortable on the bed, stretching out and making a soft sound of encouragement in order to prod Erin into speaking. "Sorry. I just can't seem to find a way to put these words in the correct order. I, I think that I am closer to breaking things off with David than I thought I might be. He was so good for me when I was finding my footing again after I left rehab, but I want more than what he does, and I can't hold him to me when he just wants to sleep with me. Yes, the sex is great, and he's been so tender to me, but you know me, Lexie."</p>
    <p>"I do, and I seem to remember that you put down roots fast. So, if Rossi isn't the fertile land where you want to have your garden bloom, what will you do?"</p>
    <p>"That's the scary thing, Alex. I don't know. It's been so long since I've been without the crutch of alcohol, and now I'm facing the prospect of being alone because I don't want him to feel beholden to staying with me just because the sex is great. That's not fair to either of us, even though I would hope that there might be room for us to grow together in the future? Not that I foresee that happening, it's a pipe dream of the smallest chances, after all."</p>
    <p>"Do you love him?"</p>
    <p>"I love the thought of him, or maybe the idea of a comfortable future. There's this voice in the back of my heart that whispers I would be settling for something sweet and lovely, but I wouldn't have my foundations that I crave more and more these days. And one false move could derail all the progress I've made with my sobriety."</p>
    <p>"Your health is the first priority that you should have, Erin. I think that you need to do whatever it is that keeps you sober."</p>
    <p>"But I don't know if I can do that alone."</p>
    <p>Alex had to blink back tears when she heard Erin's voice break on those words, and she let out a long breath in order to try and calm her spirit. She didn't want to let Erin know that she was feeling so invested in her, not when she wasn't certain who she was without her righteous fury. "I didn't know if I could go it alone, either, after you cut my rope. Ethan was gone, James was on a long assignment with MSF, and I was thrust into a new situation that I felt I didn't deserve to be in, and it was so easy to just…be angry and alone."</p>
    <p>"I hate that I did that to you, Alex. If I could go back and change anything in this life I've managed to fuck up, that would be the one change I'd make. I'd take responsibility for the mistakes we made, and maybe I could have mitigated circumstances. I just, I have so much regret, and longing, and I want to finally make things right. I want us to be friends on some level, which was why I started this ruse in the first place. I know that you can't accept this olive branch, that all of this is just going to end up blowing up in my face, but it was so nice to dream once more."</p>
    <p>Before Alex could respond to the sorrow in Erin's voice, the call was disconnected, and she set it aside as she buried her face in her hands and allowed herself to cry. She didn't know why she felt so discombobulated over Erin's heartbreak, when she should be rejoicing over the fact that things were still going poorly for her, but a part of her knew that she had to reach out and not leave things like that. Picking up the phone, she redialed the call, and then called twice more in rapid succession until Erin picked up. "You don't get to hang up on me like that, Louise."</p>
    <p>"You're not my emotional sounding board any longer."</p>
    <p>"No, but we've made inroads towards something new. And you're hurting right now, and it's late, and I don't want you to feel like you're going to do something rash. Fall asleep on the phone with me. We're both exhausted, but knowing that we're connected might make things a little easier tonight. Okay?"</p>
    <p>"Okay," Erin whispered back. "And you don't think this makes me weak?"</p>
    <p>"No. While I may not understand everything thoroughly yet, I know that you cannot battle back from an addiction and be considered weak. Now, are you in bed?"</p>
    <p>"Yes, Lexie."</p>
    <p>Again, that small slip in what Erin called her, and she smiled sadly as she made herself comfortable on the mattress. "All right, I'm going to set my phone on the pillow next to me, and you have to do the same. Good night, Erin."</p>
    <p>"Good night, Alex. Thank you." This time, there was no disconnection to the call, and Alex quickly fell asleep, Erin's heartbroken words weighing heavily on her heart and mind.</p>
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